Welcome to the site! I really like
your poem, you made me feel it,
thank you.

There was one suggestion, probably
not important but ...

You have;
you were no more than
mortals dream

Seems to direct a confusing read
and it is probably not that important
but see if this is different aloud

you were no more
than mortals dream
or
you were no more than
this mortals dream

only suggestions, thank you for posting
and allowing me the privilege

Richard

I would consider tightening up the rhymes (remain, pain,again, when, fly, goodbye,bend, green, dream )
and end with the couplet in rhyme. Unlike the vast majority of poetry publications and sites, rhyme is welcome here. But not having any scheme at all is a distraction to me. I believe form is important in poetry, it always has been. You are using rhyme well, I would go with it all the way.

the colors Depicting the essence of the one you dream is nicely displayed

Hi Lynn,

I read this poem twice because I liked the rhyming. it was subtle and kept the flow of the poem going for me. It made me think of a lost love or loved one, friend. Someone the subject tries to remember with color ( love? my first thought)

without a whisper of goodbye
your name and scent remain

They are still there yet the subject can not touch them anymore.Could also be they have simply left.
I like that in poetry. The writer can take you any where. It's up to the reader to decide which way to go. Many say " don't make the reader work" I say that is nuts. You don't want them to work to hard when maybe reading a book. However, a short poem is a way for the reader to take a trip on the invitation of the authors offering in front of you. Also poetry makes you read between the lines.

Have you ever read Shakespeare's sonnets? I believe there are 144 of them. I have re-written about 7 of them so far. I wrote them in my words, trying to say what he does but simpler. His sonnets are work!! it is so hard to understand what he is saying and through that confusion for me, he rhymes in them also. Once I spend the time to figure out each line, I can then use a mixture of Old English and new to create my own version of it.( I guess I make up my own language) I will say every time I get what he means, I smile and tell him he did it again. Great writer!

So, really all I am saying is : Give Peace a Chance, , , , lol!
no really. I loved the poem, its a good piece of free verse done well with great images. Good enough that I read it twice.

Rottie
aka: Kim

My first comment was with craft, considering the strong use of rhyme. I think it is important you notice the very strong use of it in the poem. Turning to content it did seem to me an abstract poem to some type of loss. Reading your comment above raises a very urgent, perhaps most important, subject of poetry in our times. You write ‘so the reader can find their own meaning.’ I have to ask you....why? This is a recent concept of poetry and is probably why it has lost its wider audience.
When I think of all the great poets and poetry we read, the stuff that sticks - from Whitman to Plath, Oliver to Voung, they don’t hide their meaning behind the poem. We know what the poem is about because the poet told us, not hiding the meaning with abstraction. The power comes through with the words, the stance, the images that support the main theme. The intent is accessible and clear. So if the poem is about your terrible loss, why hide behind the poem and leave it to open interpretation and guess work by the reader? Poetry has raw emotion which comes to me when I know what the poem is about. That is true of all the greatest works. It’s the lines and images that matter. The subject/meaning should be clear. Where did this notion of let the reader decide become an aesthetic?

My first comment was with craft, considering the strong use of rhyme. I think it is important you notice the very strong use of it in the poem. Turning to content it did seem to me an abstract poem to some type of loss. Reading your comment above raises a very urgent, perhaps most important, subject of poetry in our times. You write ‘so the reader can find their own meaning.’ I have to ask you....why? This is a recent concept of poetry and is probably why it has lost its wider audience.
When I think of all the great poets and poetry we read, the stuff that sticks - from Whitman to Plath, Oliver to Voung, they don’t hide their meaning behind the poem. We know what the poem is about because the poet told us, not hiding the meaning with abstraction. The power comes through with the words, the stance, the images that support the main theme. The intent is accessible and clear. So if the poem is about your terrible loss, why hide behind the poem and leave it to open interpretation and guess work by the reader? Poetry has raw emotion which comes to me when I know what the poem is about. That is true of all the greatest works. It’s the lines and images that matter. The subject/meaning should be clear. Where did this notion of let the reader decide become an aesthetic?

I don’t know what review you are talking about

But that said, if poetry is a crossword puzzle to you, the academics have done their work. You don’t have to work to enjoy great poetry. You have to feel.

why ya'll fighting on my protege poem... raw truth based on constructive critique and comments is what was asked....lets be mature here..

This you have stated in a different comment. My suggestion was to make this part of the poem. You should never have to explain a poem. What you want us to know should be in the poem. If it’s not we could not know. Some prefer not to say the intent or basic center of a poem but for the sake of the reader i think this knowledge makes the work more intense and appreciated rather than an abstract interpretation. Poetry is therapeutic. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through with your loss. So for the sake of this grief I am only suggestion to put this in the poem so we can share it with you.

This is real beauty in thoughts and words.
They are laced together to give a feeling.
You will become an asset to Neopoet.
Maybe you can twin my beating thoughts.
Then journey on supporting the feelings of others..
Thank you, Yours Ian ..
PS:- I always prefer Perfume to Scent as scent is as if we are using Bloodhounds to track you down lol ..