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The Color Of Bruises

For most of us workers
Payday comes every two weeks

The emerald grass
Takes time to grow

And loyal landscapers
Are going from lawn to lawn
To fruit tree

-- To cut them down to size
Or trim them back
So they can produce
Even more fruit --

The careful accountant is crunching
More and more numbers
The avid artist applying
Layers of paint

They know
It takes movement
To create a still life

Hours of effort
To finally relax

With a glass of wine
And a bowl of plums

The color of bruises

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I might make the title Until Still Life
Although
I have a ton of scars once bruises and cuts from back in those days landscaping.
Great work it is, and ya know you earned your food and drink.
This is my favorite stanza:
They know
It takes movement
To create a still life

Later,

MarkL

~ Submit to the expectation of a synergistic approach ~
~ keep writing ~

thanks MarkL! i'm glad it resonated with a former landscaper. bruises from work in the restaurant business are more emotional than physical, for me. that's probably my favorite line from the poem, too, about the still life. so glad you liked it. thanks for the read and the comments.

author comment

good reflection while sipping on a glass of wine and eating from a bowl of plums...great choice of words with an excellent climax. The title of course connects so very well with the essence of your poem. Would "True Colors of Bruises" be a good reflection?

just a thought...would "pluck the fruits" be a good alternative to "to fruit tree"

raj (sublime_ocean)

thanks raj! true colors of bruises seems a little redundant to me, since colors don't usually lie. thanks for the idea, though! i'm glad you enjoyed the poem and thanks for your comments, as always!

author comment

Your response makes sense. It was just a suggestion
.........................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

so glad for your suggestion, raj. appreciate it.

author comment
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