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COLD RAIN MUSINGS
Late winter rain taps on the tin
of the roof of my small home
asking, perhaps, to be let in.
It's tapping echoes in my dome.
The echoes shake loose memories
from cob webs undisturbed for years
which drift like milk weed on a breeze
and unseize memory's stiff gears.
Young days when hills were not so steep,
jack frost crunching beneath boots
during the cold of winter's deep
while far away a barred owl hoots.
And those times I went afield
with all the older folks now gone;
how the forests way back then appealed
even through an early morning yawn.
And farther back when a mere child
playing on a pure white gulf coast beach
when "cold" was actually quite mild.
Sand spurs were thick beyond tide's reach.
But all those days are far away
as age tightens its firm grip on me.
Still in this time grown chill and gray
I at least can call on memory.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
raj
Sun, 2018-03-04 13:47
Stan
I am pretty sure this gem was inspired by the late winter havoc in spite of which you stayed cool enough to come up with this poem which walked e through the years from your childhood on to the present.
Just a thought..would this tiny change be better:-
and start up memory's stiff gears
and shift memory's stiff gears
Stay warm friend...
.....................
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Sun, 2018-03-04 14:08
Hi Raj
Thanks for the idea. I'll keep it in mind when I edit this. And yes I'm a see and say kind of poet and we had a long cold rainy spell recently.............stan
author commentraj
Sun, 2018-03-04 14:18
i liked "see and say kind of
i liked "see and say kind of poet"...i must say that you have said so nicely what you have seen...you are humble to say you are a "see and say type of poet" which i would call "spontaneous" ...
....
raj (sublime_ocean)
scribbler
Wed, 2018-03-07 10:21
OK raj
I gave a lot of thought to your suggestion but it just didn't seem to deliver the sense of the gears having been frozen. But I DO appreciate your input
author commentraj
Wed, 2018-03-07 14:05
No issues Stan
Fact of life is suggestions may not always work. Appreciate your trying though..
Regards..
raj (sublime_ocean)
trekker
Sun, 2018-03-04 15:51
Cold Rain Musings
I love your rhymes! Well done setting the mood of time passing us by. I enjoyed the read! trekker
scribbler
Mon, 2018-03-05 09:22
Hi trekker
Always nice to have somebody new come by. I appreciate the visit and kind comment........stan
author commentchevyvent
Mon, 2018-03-05 14:28
Beautiful sentiment
really gifted piece it comes from your heart really nicely done
Mario Vitale
scribbler
Mon, 2018-03-05 16:17
Hi Chevy
Thank you for coming by with such kind comment......stan
author commentRula
Tue, 2018-03-06 14:59
An enjoyable read
as always Stan. I know I've missed alot of yours and my other friends when I was away last year.
Not really a suggestion, but I felt that the word 'even' has been used repeatedly at the end of stanza 4 and beginning of 5th stanza.
Other than that as I said an enjoyable read.
Thanks for sharing!
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scribbler
Tue, 2018-03-06 16:18
Hi Rula
Good to see you back. I'll see what I can do and maybe "even" improve about using even too much
author commentscribbler
Wed, 2018-03-07 10:26
Hi Rula
As many times as I've talked about over using a word too closely you'd think I'd remove the beam from my own eye lol. I think this revision might have solved that problem.....stan
author commentscribbler
Tue, 2018-07-31 22:55
Greetings
And welcome to Neopoet. I appreciate your coming by and leaving such kind comment.......stan
author commentlovedly
Tue, 2018-07-31 23:18
and what will happen
when you have reached perfection
in 550 poems
and then in July rains still comes
On your Feb birthday
did it rain
hence this rainy poem
lol
scribbler
Wed, 2018-08-01 09:26
ME reach perfection?
Now that would be the day lol. And my birthday is in March so you have to blame something else for this scribble
author commentlovedly
Wed, 2018-08-01 11:53
Well stan
me knows ur b'day was on 4 Mar
hence this upgraded poem
for perfectioning it
Ain't it