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Clueless Poet

Submitted by mand on Fri, 2011-01-28 13:37

Should I be here I wonder
Amongst all you great poets
I am just a beer mug among champagne glasses.

Clumsy, intoxicated
Crushed in the muse of my mood
No sparkling bubbles of imagination.

Just the same flat monotone
Clueless in comprehension
A chunky Neanderthal sitting at the bar.

All my froth blown to the wind
A tasteless brew underneath
I long to feel the refinement of your power

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

raj

Fri, 2011-01-28 14:40

after reading this poem who will call you a beer among champagne glasses?...not me for sure.,...

by the way...i loved the phrase you have coined "beer among champagne glasses"

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

mand

Fri, 2011-01-28 15:03

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You always cheer me up with your comments. True to say I do feel out of my depth sometimes - I don't always understand other peoples poems and I feel uneducated - ( I still enjoy reading poems that I don't understand - I just wish I could understand them ).

I have a problem of letting my emotions flow - something I'm working on but I'm skeptical I will ever be able to acheive.

I have a feeling I will always be a beer mug. Lol

Thanks Raj your a true friend.

Love Mand xxxx

author comment

raj

Fri, 2011-01-28 15:32

Let us tip our beer glasses and raise a toast "to hell with skepticism" ..

feel better?...say YES :)

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

mand

Fri, 2011-01-28 16:45

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Ahh so sweet! I'd raise a beer glass with you anytime. I've just downed a pint. Yes! feel better now.

Thanks Raj.

Love Mand xxxxx

author comment

loved

Fri, 2011-01-28 17:11

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but you r the champagne
not beer
of that
all will assure

loved

mand

Fri, 2011-01-28 17:23

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I've corrected the spelling mistake! Thanks for spotting that. My poems lack fizz ( emotion ) They are more like forced facts - I would really like to move away from that and delve into the emotional side of it, but if I'm honest I don't know how, I think possibly you've either got it or you haven't, I'm not sure if it can be taught. Maybe it's a case of once a beer mug always a beer mug. Lol

Time will tell - perhaps I just need to have a positive frame of mind.

I'm grateful for your comment and reading. I haven't read any of your poems recently - I get to you soon.

Loads of love

Mand xxxxxx

author comment

loved

Sat, 2011-01-29 17:04

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when you do decide
to come my way
and i do pray
twill be sooner
some way

loved

mand

Fri, 2011-01-28 17:49

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Good point! More people drink beer - champagne is for special occasions.

It's really interesting because now I'm questioning myself as to why I want to be a champagne glass, which in turn is making me question what my objectives are. I guess I just want to move on from being mundane.

Hey great to hear from you, thanks for your help and encouragement.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

author comment

mand

Fri, 2011-01-28 17:49

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Good point! More people drink beer - champagne is for special occasions.

It's really interesting because now I'm questioning myself as to why I want to be a champagne glass, which in turn is making me question what my objectives are. I guess I just want to move on from being mundane.

Hey great to hear from you, thanks for your help and encouragement.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

author comment

themoonman

Fri, 2011-01-28 17:11

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This is real poetry ... felt it, seen it,
hell I've been living it and cannot catch
the froth, funny how that works huh ...

loved this poem, could it be improved ?,
probably, maybe a better title ...

thanks for posting !

mand

Fri, 2011-01-28 17:54

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This one has come off me sleeve. Lol I'm definately frothless at the moment. Lol Still It's nice to know that I'm not the only one that feels this way. I haven;t read one of your poems for ages - I'll have to put that right - froth or no froth.

Great to hear from you. Better title - any suggestions welcome.

Thanks for reading and commenting.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

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scribbler

Fri, 2011-01-28 17:21

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At last a poem about me ! oops, just going by title lol. As to feeling inferior you need not feel so to anyone and definitely not to this beginner writer. There are many poems I don't understand either. If you're a beer mug I must be a pepsi bottle..................stan

mand

Fri, 2011-01-28 18:05

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Ha ha! a bottle of pop. Lol. Yes well you see at least you have some fizz. Lol

Thanks Stan for your lovely comment and your lovely poem,

Love Mand xxxxxxxxxxx

author comment

crypticbard

Sat, 2011-01-29 08:48

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how much beer outsells champagne by volume! And the sales of the best and most expensive beers don't shy either. :-)

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

mand

Tue, 2011-02-01 00:36

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Nice to hear from you. True! My friend makes home made beer and wine ( it cost her about £3.50 to make approx 4 bottles ) and it's got a much nicer taste than shop bought ones.

Nothing worse than a warm flat beer though. Lol

Maybe I'll find some fizz one day.

Hey thanks for reading and commenting.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

author comment

crypticbard

Fri, 2011-02-04 07:34

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that there are certain types and brands of beer that don't lose their body and form when warm.
But I prefer mine chilled and foaming from a tankard! Funny thing is I love crisp chilled table wine as well.
Perhaps the fizz is in the anticipation. So I am sure you will find it each time. Cheers, CB

__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'

mand

Tue, 2011-02-01 00:48

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Good to see you. Thanks for the lovely pics - must have been amazing to see in real life.

Have you ever felt stuck in a rut? I spos that''s how I feel - maybe it's just the winter blues talking. Strange though I wrote this poem without rhyming and it was kinda liberating - think I'll try some more.

Perhaps I can get some fizz from all the champagne glasses on this site. ( you certainly are a talented crew ).

Sorry I haven't been around much. I've had to resort to writting at 5.30am. Lol

Keep safe my lovely friend.

Love Mand xxxxxxx

author comment

mand

Tue, 2011-02-01 01:05

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Great to hear from you. I hope you're o.k - springs on it's way and the days are getting longer - so good things to come.

You have some wise advise. I sometime post them way to early and then have to keep editing ( embarrasing ). I've got some poems from way back I'm still not happy with - perhaps I need to go back and sort all the old poems out so I can move on.

I'm truly grateful for all the help and suggestions - it's hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes.

You've given me some things to think about Xena. I'm so happy to have seen you. Hope you and Zak are o.k. The tempreture has dropped recently - I hope you are managing to stay warm. My son recently bought a puppy - so cute with her chubby pink belly.

Thank Xena for reading and commenting.

Loads of love

Mand xxxxxxxx

author comment

ziggy

Sun, 2011-01-30 10:36

I am just a beer mug among champagne glasses.

Clumsy, intoxicated
Crushed in the muse of my mood,,,,,,,,,,,,,wat great lines
I love them and how the sound good one this ,,,,,,,,,zigs

I salute anyone who breaks the rules in the interest of art and great poetry writing just as much as I admire poets who craft meter and verse within the confines of good grammar. Walk the tight rope or jump from it and see if you can fly.

mand

Tue, 2011-02-01 01:11

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Good to hear from you. I'll come by and read some of your work a.s.a.p.

Keep safe.

Thanks for your lovely comment and reading.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

author comment

Race_9togo

Tue, 2011-02-01 01:16

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LOL
You answered your own question.
Rhetorical Poetry!
I like.

Respectfully, Race

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

mand

Tue, 2011-02-01 01:47

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Good to hear from you. Nothing like talking to put things into perspective. Lol

Great of you to read and comment. I hope you are o.k. Catch up with you a.s.a.p

Loads of love

Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

author comment

mand

Tue, 2011-02-01 02:24

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I've just written you a wonderful long answer and my computer went off and I've gone and forgotten what I said. Lol

Serves me right for waffling to much. Lol

Never tasted beer or champagne so you can't make a comparison - that puts a different slant on things.

I like your comment ( see? you're not alone ) so sweet!

Definatley a gloomy mood - I think Xena has touched on part of the problem. Other than that I have been feeling "stuck in the mud" as far as my poetry goes ( metaphorically speaking. Lol ).

Anyway Thank you Amalzamani for your support and kind words ( your definatley champagne glass ).

I look forward to reading some of your poetry soon.

Love Mand xxxxxx

P.s You still got a long answer. I'm the queen of waffle. Lol

author comment

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2011-02-03 10:28

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If this is so that you feel you are a Neanderthal woman,
I sense that they knew the winds of changes in the weather,
the wind blown scents of the flowers,
the towering might of the mountains
and the whispering twigs of the forests;
theirs was the world of nature,
and you are sensitive to her sounds
and expressions through the seasons
as you have shown us through your poetry,
so never mind what your little heart thinks,
we know it is otherwise,
and her you demonstrate it to us with this poem,
dear Mand,
I want to say Mandy, like Milly,Molly, Mandy,
you have an umbrella of cakes
and shower us with their sweetness
through your words,
not stolen but felt.

My love to dear you from Ann.

And beer is so so good on a HOT Summers day isn't it,
cooling and life giving, Champagne is too sweet for me,
unless very dry I don't like it at all, so stick to the beer,
I love good wine, for me, and you are good wine, for me!

I suppose I am privileged with no family hanging onto my apron strings and able to dance the Maypole all year round whenever I wish, spoilt I KNOW IT too. I am thankful now, but I would have liked to have had children.....E didn't want any more, so I had to choose........! I just write poetry all the time wherever I am, crazy me, have never been at a loss for words SH!!!!!!! ;)

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

mand

Thu, 2011-02-03 19:05

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Good to hear from you. I hope you are o.k. Writting poetry is addictive isn't it - it's in the blood. I'm glad it's in your blood! and many other poets on this site - a talented crew.

Perhaps we could all have a beer party. Lol Wouldn't that be great. He he

I'm looking forward to a hot summer!

Thanks for reading and for your kind comments Ann.

Love Mand xxxxx ( You can call me Mandy anytime ).

author comment

mand

Fri, 2011-02-04 08:01

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Good to see you. Hope you are o.k - not to hot! ( wheather wise ). I didn't pick up on that point! sometimes I read to quickly and miss comments. Lol

I spos I feel uneducated - can a good poet be uneducated? perhaps it's more about feelings, I don't really know. Either way, it's a mountain to climb - not that I want to be the best of the best - I'd be quite happy to be somewhere near the base. True to say even a Neanderthal women was more than a mute slave. She had many tasks to perform. I just need to think more positively.

Thanks to you and everyone else for your encouragement, it helps to put things in perspective.

Love Mand xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

author comment

Psyve

Fri, 2011-02-04 08:02

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First of all,

I enjoyed your poem. I feel like that too, sometimes.

You mentioned in your response to Raj "I do feel out of my depth sometimes - I don't always understand other peoples poems and I feel uneducated - ( I still enjoy reading poems that I don't understand - I just wish I could understand them )." Well, as you have probably guessed by now, you are truly not alone in this. Please add my name to a possibly VERY long list of folk who feel the same as you do, from time to time.

I remember reading your "Monster Munch" and thinking : There is a touch of Dr Suess in this. You had tongue firmly in cheek and I thought then that you wrote well and with passion.

As for the beer mug bit... remember that without it, life might just be ...

...unbeerable

Cheers

Psyve

mand

Fri, 2011-02-04 08:28

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You made me smile. "Without beer, life would be unbeerable". He he

Woow! you remember my Monster Munch poem - I'm cuffed to meatballs! lol

If you don't understand a poem do you still comment?

I tend not to - because I don't know what to say. ( how can you comment on something you don't understand ).
But should I be honest and ask what their poem is about, make a guess at what I think it's about, make a small comment of appreciation, or not comment at all. it's hard to know what to do.

I much appreciate your reading and commenting on this subject - it's all part of the learning curve.

Love Mand xxxxxxxx

author comment

Psyve

Sat, 2011-02-05 06:13

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I'm as new to this as you are... possibly newer.

If I dont understand a poem AT ALL, normally I would not comment on it. I uasually attribute that non-understanding to a shortcoming of MINE rather than assume that it is necessarily a bad piece of poetry.

Most times I KNOW there is a deeper intent and it is simply that I lack either the tools or the reference-to-context to understand the intent of the author.

Sometimes the author may be purposely cloaking events / names to turn out a piece that has full meaning to him / her but intentionally not obvious to the reader / listener at first read. [ I have used that device in my own writings quite often, such as in "IF YOU SEE KAY (A CHESSBERG)" . ]

You may not necessarily UNDERSTAND the WORDS of such a poem / song, but I suppose what the author would like to hear in terms of feedback is : did the poem / lyric evoke ANYTHING in you, any SENSATION / FEELING, even if you didn't fully UNDERSTAND all the literal words?

For example, you may FEEL a deep sense of loss or sorrow come thru a lyric that you may not understand the actual WORDS of fully. I would, in such a case, say that in my feedback.

I dont think anyone here would think any the less of you for giving a simple reaction to their work. They would appreciate that someone read their work and took the trouble to write back what they thought of it.

That said, there will be times that you will come across offerings that appear to be just bad poetry. You need to take a call on how, or indeed whether, you want to respond to those at all.

None of the above is intended to be "advice" .

Just my take.

Hope it is of some help.

Psyve

mand

Sun, 2011-02-06 07:38

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Thanks Psyve - I appreciate your coming back and answering my question, it all helps to get things into perspective.

Much Love

Mand xxxxx

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