Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

THE CLOUD MOOD (edited)

THE CLOUD MOOD

The sky is raging in different forms
with over clouded moving clouds
stimulating feats of fear and tremble
the earth is now under siege of uncertainty

the dark clouds matching forward
in terrifying out look
celestial bodies now in disarray
stars and the moon eloped

now thunder and lightening breaks out
the wind is swinging
the wether is becoming dark
and everyone runs to his discretion

few minutes left, the cloud frowns
thunderous outburst of cracking sounds
and heavy icy rain drops
baptizing the mother earth

©® Onyinyechi Cosmos Etu

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
[This option has been removed]
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

an excellent idea, fresh and inventive. there a few structural missteps. If you read it out loud, I think this will help you solve your problems. you have a good base.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

Noted. I will try and trash out... Thank you so much Cat!

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment

the structural problems might be corrected with just an easy read aloud. Your language, being of different construction than English, makes for problems, when the translation is made. I see you are gathering knowledge about how to write in one language, while thinking in another. If you hear it out loud, in English, as compared to the way you wrote it in your language, you will hear the difference. It's good in either language, but we are not fluent in yours. ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Noted. Thank you for your feed back. I will try my best.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.