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Clones

Clones

Do you have any idea what its like to be me?
I said
And she said
You are no different from anybody else
I thought
I am
I know I am
Because how can anybody else
Feel what I feel?

I am like a million stars
Jettisoned into a heaving mass
Of creepy crawlies
Twinkling and bright
Armour plated nightmares
All turning over and over
In a tumble dryer
Is that how you feel?
I said
And she said
Yes

Editing stage: 

Comments

a universal theme. I asked someone once; "How do you know what I feel?" They replied that it is all the same, just spelled differently! That posed a new question. What do you mean by that? "I mean, they said; "that we all feel the same, but it is how we interpret what we feel that makes it different."
I like the twist at the end, that is what really makes it for me. ~ Gee.
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I especially like the second stanza. Often enough at poetry workshops I offer a poem and some wise guy says I should cut the first stanza and make the the second the poem. And often enough, after a while, I realize they were right.
We poets have tendency to "set-up" the poem with a stanza, and then the follow up is the true statement. And usually the follow up is all you need. Minimalism is part of the modern culture in poetry. The first stanza is prosey, and not interesting, just factual. Whereas the second is totally charged with image and language. In a sense you answer question of how one can share "feelings" by the use of poetic metaphor. This as poem says not only what you wanted but more....

(new Title: Clones does not work for me)

I am like a million stars
Jettisoned into a heaving mass
Of creepy crawlies
Twinkling and bright
Armour plated nightmares
All turning over and over
In a tumble dryer
Is that how you feel?
I said
And she said
Yes

That's my take.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

On reading the poem again after your comments, I see what you mean about the first stanza - its pretty much a set-up and could go.

As for Clones not working for you, for me it works because its saying we are all the same - thanks for your comments, I think less is more a lot of the time and will think about removing the first stanza.

Cheers
Lindsay

author comment

I loved reading this, was hooked right from the start. Loved your gentle assertions & your even more gentle tolerance. This poem carries a real sense of calm precision. Thank you once again, a real pleasure to read.

Cheers
Anni

My dear friend always told me "Water the seeds of joy first"

I love your take on it - and thinking about what you said, it was like a calm precision in writing it as it just came out with little conscious thinking, but felt right ! I really appreciate your comments and point of view on my poems, so thank you again.

Lindsay :)

author comment
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