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"Clipper"

"Clipper"

(castaway)

adrift...

in a sea of you,

no question

of sink or swim

(upon your whim)

buoyantly reclined.

carried with the tide

I drift...

(nowhere to hide)

on the borders

of the realm

(phantom at the helm)

somewhere in the nothingness,

between

(unseen)

your

broken/unbroken

spell...

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I understand the title, after reading the poem!
Like the "Lost Dutchman", your flight of fancy
keeps just out of reach, but gliding over the waves, with the pilot
a phantom, that makes and breaks the storm. Never knowing when the specter
is about to appear or disappear over the horizon. Nice job of keeping
the reader guessing. ~ Hugs from Geez and the boys.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

that you and Steve "get me" and few others do?!! thanks... I appreciate you!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

being one of those people that can be alone in a room full of people, makes me much more aware of "like" people.
I have been known to get down on the floor and play with the dogs, after being introduced to a friend's parents. [Nothing wrong with the parents], the dogs were just more interesting and wanted to play. Hugs from the boys, ~ Geez.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

I often find the pets more interesting, too. they all have distinct personalities of their own!

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

This poem is consists of serious compression of information in very few words.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

if you read Geezer's critique it might help you...thanks for telling me...I appreciate you, too

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Noted.

"Poetic license
gives
the poets
the free will to
embroider a good tale
and deviate from the established rules of language"~Jackweb

white space usage here, for effect?

- - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Raywhitakerblog.wordpress.com
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yes, it was spaced for effect. thanks for reading and commenting :)

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

you are very astute, but then, I knew that. thanks for reading and the lovely comment.

*warm hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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