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The Clampdown

The cost of death casualties has pound global peace and joy!
the dead and death are now a prime suspect under an air bag-
the movement of the earth orbit round the sun always shaky and falling...
who then now proud or sturdy to stand against this menace alone?

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I think you need to develop this more. My sense of this is that there is much more to say here.

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