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Claim

Claim by RW
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What matters not is amplified
"This didn't go so well" he cried
the common flagrant combination
of ego and false condemnation
and worse yet, there's a dictate thrown
that poems must rhyme to be shown
it's this that ends my hesitation
to point out that my true oblation
can contain iambs and tera-dactyls
they flow the random path of fractals
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This is meant for one you see
who openly addressed for me
the way a poem ought to be
and hence required my emnity
you'd tie each flapping bird to tree
each sunrise shown identically
each newborn breath same pitch and key
each lover's kiss generically
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I will disagree with you
and write on here despite the hue
if sadness is the color true
sadness I will let shine through
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in life I rejoice much more than weep
and invented characters inside I keep
and these are sometimes written too
but you can't see what's really true

What I came here to disperse
is what you've shown
your ground laid prone
in a poetry-less Universe.
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Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

HEHE, it was written as a response to a very dismissive and patronizing statement about a few poets including yours truly by a guy who is a biologist by trade. This poem originally addressed him by name and was designed to give him what for. He had stated to just let we children moan and to ignore it. He obviously didn't ever read the confessionals. I don't know how he took it because he never responded. Good eye on the wrath under the surface. Thanks for the kind words also. : )

Ron
Blue Demon77

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment

..well that fellow did not know much of poetry, as you did here..I guess his life is not as exciting as ours though..let's not waste time with them, but kidding aside, you were inspired b'coz of him..so its not a waste of time after all..sweet revenge!

I saw his tack of thought as elitism and the utmost of judgmentalism. So yeah, a direct address was the only way to go. I felt good about it. He's a PhD in biological sciences but wouldn't respond. That works for me. He not only inspired me, he inflamed me...hehe.

I've missed you these last few days, hope all has been well. I'm doing a Chat room on Friday, July 13th about the darkside, gothic horror poetry. It will be a game that I'm still building. I'd love to see you there.

hope to see you soon

Ron
Blue Demon77

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

author comment
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