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A Christmas Blessing
May you find that, if you stray
In December's snow and frost,
Christmas lights will show the way,
Though you are lost.
To the warmth of fire and friends
Who love you most.
Then settle down beside the hearth;
Toast your friendships , new and old.
Aquaintances are ever worth
Far more than miser's ill-got gold
New friends can bring a needed warmth
To men grown cold.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
popped into my head five minutes ago
Editing stage:
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Comments
scribbler
Fri, 2010-12-10 07:58
blessing
we all lose our way at time and could use this blessing. I line 4 you could try something like :though you find that you are lost to even out the rhythm............................scribbler
Tam the Chanter
Fri, 2010-12-10 12:13
rhythm
Thanks for the input, scribbler, but I think it works better as it is. Glad you took the time to comment
Ian
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
author commentTam the Chanter
Fri, 2010-12-10 15:36
My Oz Woman
Jayne-Chloe, as soon as I had this typed out , I thought of you. This is for you
Love
Ian xx
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
author commentPugilist
Fri, 2010-12-10 14:09
My Dyslexia
Insisted line 6 was grammatically flawed and i had to read the piece 6 or 7 times before i stopped reversing word order and finally read "Who love you most" rather than nearly any other combination you may consider.
But I do have 1 minor suggestion.in line 6; I am stumbling as a result of the declining meter in line 4 followed by ascending meeting in line 5 and subsequent declining meter in line 6.
I am thinking that starting line 6 with a repetition of line 5 might work as in:
"Of friends who love you most."
But I like the nature and feel of this piece. It pretends lightness while communicating a comforting and enticing message.
Jonathan
---------------------------------------------------------
Jonathan Moore
Tam the Chanter
Fri, 2010-12-10 18:41
why is "dyslexia" so hard to spell?
Thanks again Jonathan for the detailed crit.. I took this rhythm from Robert Burns "Address to the Haggis" and like the way it stops and starts when read out loud.. I read lines 1 to 3 then stop; line4 stop; line5 stop; then line6. It is a poem of hope, I suppose, and arrived unbidden/
Ian
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
author commentTam the Chanter
Sun, 2010-12-12 11:30
The Haggis
What classical aria can compare to the off - tune whistle of a Bull Haggis as he sharpens his fearsome tusks on a granite outcrop. Imagine a full day's hunting, with west highland terriers and shetland ponies, hacking your way through the long grass on the side of Ben Dover. Oh for the thrill of the chase and the ritual of the kill as it was carried out all those long years ago, by Gatling gun!!
Love
Ian xx
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
author commentTam the Chanter
Sun, 2010-12-19 15:43
blessing
Where did it go?
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
author commentTam the Chanter
Fri, 2010-12-24 14:41
let the good times roll
Shirl, I hope Santa is good to you
Have a Cool Yule !!
Love Ian xxx
TIME FLIES LIKE AN ARROW, BUT FRUIT FLIES LIKE A BANANA
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