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CHOOSING SIDES (part two)

**In our dull and waking world
too often we forget the past
when lightning by the gods was hurled
when myths were made which today last.............

Alarm clock jars me from deep sleep
this second part devoid of dreams
of gates or walls in forest, deep
nor fading light and hinges' screams.
I waken to the start of day.

A stem slap silences the clock
as wife bestirs within our bed.
Dawn's greeted by a crowing cock
bidding farewell to stars now fled
leaving dawn's sky bare and gray.

I arise to make morning ablutions
and coming day now crowds my mind;
problems seeking sure solutions.
Thoughts of dreams are left behind
like cargo on forgotten quay.

I soon kiss my life's love goodbye
and climb into my old red truck
while sun's orb opens in east sky.
I'll have a short day with some luck.
The engine turns, I'm on my way.

Through open windows summer air,
morning cool but warming fast,
blows over scalp which once grew hair
many summers in the past
in a time now far away.

The sun glares through the worn windshield
so I don my old frayed camo hat
just as I pass a shorn hay field
stretching out both wide and flat
where neat and tidy bales now lay.

And on a poplar tall and old
beside the road on edge of wood
I spy a single leaf of gold
which turned a bit before it should
although autumn is on its way.

Now at the job I start to sweat
as on this day I stand some walls,
By end of work I'm soaking wet.
Toward quitting time the sun just crawls.
'Till time to put my tools away

A fox squirrel runs across the road
as I drive slowly back toward home.
My mind slips out of working mode;
across the land my green eyes roam.
Perhaps I'll see a deer today.

In a pasture where they're often seen
a golden carpet's spreading wide.
Bitterweed near overcomes the green.
There is no hint of tawny hide
leaving tracks in southern clay.

And since this morning goldenrod
has begun its autumn bloom
which soon will spread to all the sod
spelling out the summer's doom
with multi-colored flowers' spray.

At last I return to my home,
weary from a full day's work.
Another day in mundane tome.
Another day I didn't shirk
engaging in the endless fray.

A shower to remove the sweat,
washing it and sawdust down the drain.
Then watching yet one more sunset
with one who eases old age pain
as cool wind makes the pine limbs sway.

We leave the deck as stars blink on
and summer's bane begins their flight.
(they feed the most at dusk and dawn)
A bullfrog's bass song greets the night
as whippoorwill begins his say.

Like almost every passing eve
my love now kisses me good night,
goes down the hall and takes her leave
as I admire departing sight.
I'll never tire of this display.

I sit with television on
while paying little heed of it.
Instead to Frost my thoughts are drawn.
Beside him my rhymes are sh%t.
Perhaps I'll reach that height some day.

A bit of Bob to soothe my mind
helps me forget the day just passed.
A bit of Plath leaves me behind.
I jot down a poem dirty and fast,
read it then crumple it away.

I edit some old stuff online.
Read some friends (better than me).
stare at this useless pad of mine.
yawn and rub my tired sore knee.
In aquarium the gold fish play.

My mind goes blank as dream land calls.
So I rise and head on off to bed,
turn off the lights to darken walls
and lie beside the girl I wed
as the daytime world gives way.

The bedside light snuffs with a click.
Images emerge from my mind's keep
then fade like a burning wick
alarm clock tics me into sleep.
One with pleasant dreams, I pray

*to be continued

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
Last few words: 
I know I'd mentioned I might write the "waking" part of this in free verse. Well I tried it and it just didn't seem to fit so I recon the rest of this will be in rhyme.............stan
Editing stage: 

Comments

This is good. You know I'm a free-verse addict by nature, but I really enjoy the rhyme structure you've put down here, and the story fascinates me.

All except for this:

"In aquarium the gold fish play."

It has no link to the rest of the stanza, and seems out of place as a result. A connecting word, perhaps, between it and the preceding line, making them one line?

Good stuff, my friend.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

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First of all thanks for taking the time to read such a long thing. As to the goldfish line, I put it in as an attempt to mirror disconnected thought patters of a person whi has become sleepy. But I'll give your idea some thought as I might well have gone a bit far in this instance. If you liked this you should read part one in order to get the full idea of what This poem is about. This is just the beginning of what will probably be a 500-600 line story/poem...............stan

author comment

this one as well Stan. I liked the specific details every now and then. It builds kind of intimacy with the reader I believe.
Still think a closer look on punctuation is needed along with capitalization here and there. I am sure you were planning to do on a later stage.
Many thanks for sharing.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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I am pleased this is keeping your attention. as to punctuation and such, i thought I'd done that but late night posting might havemade me miss something. thanks for taking the time to read this...........stan

author comment

... I'll point out the typos first, so you can fix them.

"as on this day I stands some walls," I think "stands" should be singular.

" "Till time to put my tools away" It should be an apostrophe in front of " 'til".

"A bullfrog's base song greets the night" I think if you mean the tenor of its sound you need to use "bass". Though "base" (as in disgusting) would work.

Now.
Regardless of the fact that I would like to see a little more consistent meter, I still like the sentiments. Call it "a day in the life..." Too bad you can't add some real length, but for you this is monstrous.
And classic Stan. Touching, emotional and gentle.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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I'll track down and fix those typos. I am purposely playing loose with meter in order to avoid this sounding dated (if that makes ant sense ). As to real length.....I'm presently working on part 3 in which protagonist "wakens" into the world of dreams again an seats to have doubts about which world is "real". I anticipate at least another 200-300 lines if not more. I'm posting this almost as it comes off the pen and don't know myself exactly where this will lead.
So sit back and enjoy this story as it unfolds.................stan

author comment

I Haven't read part 1 yet - but I'm looking forward to it. I will get back to you after I've read it. My initial reaction is: Love the rhyming structure, it's no easy task to find the right words and put them in the right place at the right time. I think you have admirably accomplished that. I love the humour and the down to earth human feel of everyday life. You present the imagery so well. That said I'll be off the read no 1

Nice work!

Love Mand xxxxx

Since you are reading this backwards perhaps you can tell me how it ends lol. Thanks for taking time to read this longish poem.........stan

author comment

I'm going to reread frontwards.. hopefully in the not to distant future. I'd started reading this one - without realizing there was a part one. so .I decided to finish, probably a mistake. Ha ha

Back to square one then.

Love Mand xxx

I'm trying to write this so each part will stand on its own but reading it from the start will probably add a bit of depth............stan

author comment

Quite right it adds more depth reading from the start. Lol I love the story so far and the way you use discriptive language - imagery both in the dream world and the real world are vibrant and lively.. I'm looking forward to the next stage - it will be interesting to see how this is going to develop. ( are you winging it or do you have a plan ). I've looked up a couple of words but the thesaurus didn't give and explanation of plath!

Excellent so far - hats off to you for imbarking on such an ambitious project.

Love Mand xxxxx

I'm pretty much winging it with only a vague idea where the muse is taking me. Plath refers to Sylvia Plath whose stuff often leaves me lost lol....................stan Hmmm.....did I not capitalize Plath? better go check

author comment
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