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CHILDHOOD'S END

We've sent the scouts
and they've come back
from the empty wilderness

All the information
poured over, analyzed
as preparations culminate

Even an outpost has been manned
near the warmth of the hearthside
but on that unknown edge

Plans for the pioneering vessels
tested and passed
faults found and corrected

We've done this before
many times
hundreds of years
brave men
into the unknown

For the first time though
we prepare to leave our cradle
and hopefully achieve our destiny
among the open wilderness
of space

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Another free verse from that guy that doesn't do free verse lol
Editing stage: 

Comments

nice idea, analogy to terrestrial explorers, catching us (the reader) a little off guard...didn't see it coming, (the whole point ).
I enjoyed the re-read to see how you did it. "Wilderness" was the first trick, a perfect Stan set up

cool...but, and a big But at that ...the title....naw!
I understand the point, the reason, just doesn't feel right.

later,

Al

I'll give the title some thought but I almost never change a title because doing so might be misinterpreted as being a sneaky way to get more reads.I'm very pleased that the poem doesn't give away the final line lol.....stan

author comment

is simply
hormonal
in human
mostly in woman
it shows
guys
they come to know
AGE chained
it glows and grows

all know you also

we emerge from real wombs
not wilderness
but puberty is eternal
how it is connected with wilderness
(my domain)
it still does remain
to my dwarfed mind
appears a simple
intellectual drain

stan
do sustain
indebted
I shall remain

you think the title is off also? why not just say so lol.....stan

author comment

u say add a R from my side
RFLOL

if you get a few more reads from a new title? Who's counting? And as long as you make note of the change, in your comments or allude to the change somewhere, I wouldn't be annoyed and think that reading it for a third time was a waste of time. ~ Gee.
.

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I think this might be the 3rd time I changed a title. The more I thought about the old title the more I thought it Was wrong. Hopefully the new title suits the poem better

author comment
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