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Checking Out
I don't want to do this anymore
and I don't want to be here anymore.
I don't want to feel this
and I don't want to be this.
I don't want to do this anymore.
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
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Comments
Eumolpus
Wed, 2018-08-08 12:54
My take
The directness and repetition makes me feel this is more a musical lyric, which of course is a type of poem. But to be most effective I think it needs the music. I think everyone can relate to feeling this way sometimes (or often!)
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings