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Charnel House

The dirge of damp dreams scream
plumes of puce
streams
that carry the seed of Satan's spawn
to the charnel house

The rising tide miasma might meander
if not for the corner charnel room
where evil form
evil does what evil will
forever

Editing stage: 

Comments

I feel what you feel, which probably makes it good poetry.

However there is nothing original about it. Just a poet's scream of anguish. Sorry.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

It's a well-ploughed field...but I wanted some headspace from reading some of the sentimental guff from others pumped out on Neo...I'm in a new dark mood...no, actually, I'm just getting older and crosser and the "honeymoon" feeling of the past 2 years has settled into a new domestic reality. Ha!

Ells x

author comment

not just your own own poetry, others. That is what neopoet is for,'

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

I think you could find something original in here. Take a look at the words dreams, plumes, Satan's and evil. Give us a different perspective of the same thing. Lure me into the sameness.

Scott

Scott

I thought that Charnel House was a depositary for bones, I wonder if they were dry bones??
then you wrote of, plumes of puce streams, so it became a skit on charnel places and became muddled.
That's got that out of the way..
The dark side of life, through anger, or just frustration of the things that pass by our minds windows , to write of these things is still hard and to me are harder than writing a love sick piece.
As Jess says this is the place to remedy that problem, I think that both sides love and dark are fun to write like unto passing a hoarding with an advert on and just seeing the picture without the words.
Try some more, and have a look at Poe's works I think he was that way with some of his writes.
Look forward to your next piece to see which way you are going,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

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