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Charcoaled Burgers... [April contest]

The smell of burgers cooking
you know the ones I mean
The ones that smell like charcoal
to a nose that's keen

Reminds me of my Rugby
the days we used to play
While walking by the river
every other Sunday

I will always remember
the first day that we went
We blew off steam and wrestled
the day was heaven sent

A burger at the B.K.s
he told them the order in dog
The girls were taken with him
they were all agog

We became a regular feature
they slipped him Chicken-Tenders
A furry gentleman
At the place of burgers rendered

Now, his ashes are on my dresser
in a box with his favorite toy
And I cannot smell those burgers
Without thinking of a furry boy

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
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Last few words: 
After watching the few cars of customers ahead of us rolling down their windows and giving their orders, when we pulled up to give our order and the girl "Welcomed us to Burger King", Rugby ordered his! I laughed and told him that they didn't understand 'Dog' and the employees all laughed, but he kept barking, until I told him that he wouldn't get anything if he didn't shut up. He became very quiet and sat nicely in the back seat until they came with our order. They crowded around the window and said how handsome he was and he was such a good boy! The next time we appeared, He barked all the way to the order place and when we got there, he sat down and was quiet. But the girls heard him earlier and had a 'chicken tender waiting for him. The manager stopped them from giving him the chicken pieces, so they gave him a dog-biscut instead. He never ate them, but always took them very politely and dropped them to take his wrapped burger, so there were always one or two kicking around in the back seat of the car.[ He always waited until we got home to eat his burger].
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

This is soooo cute! I wish I could meet ur dog. (Hey we both did something about a dog) I really like the structure and the words. Its really turned on my senses and i got a vivid picture of your memory. I hope it wins!!!!

Vivi
(Love hanging with my family of poets)

Yes, he was quite the charmer. He had a big mouth, but he was a gentle, smart dog. He was a part of my life for thirteen years. He was Black Lab and Belgian Shepard, but looked mostly like the Shepard part. Glad to see that you did something about a dog too! I'm pleased that you liked my poem about my memories of Rugby. The first poem I ever posted on Neo. was a poem about him; written shortly after his passing. I know this needs a little edit and after it settles a little bit, I will get after it. ~ Geez.
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author comment

inducer. Every time I smell a dough nut I think about the Crispy Creme sales drives we had in high school lol.

what you mean about smells and memories. It seems that it must be a primitive/basic sense that has been carried over the thousands of years of human development. One that has led many peoples to sources of food, and warned of danger, [like smoke from fire]. [Of course, Crispy Creme doughnuts are a staple of life!] LoL. Here we have "Dunkin' Donuts." Thjanks for the read and comment, ~ Gee.
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have you been eating dogs hot ones this week
no music
no pulling why
Gee

what you are referring to. What do you mean no music no pulling why?

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author comment

but eyes half alive
there has been since ages
from ur side
no vibe

One second I'm over here thinkin' "Oh, so you met a gal." then, "No, wait, it's a dude." then "Hold on, the girls love him AND he's got fur?"
Duh, it's a dog. You got me there. Fun poem!
Btw, Thalassa recommended I check your poetry 'cause you've got some dark and creepy stuff. Not sure I'm seeing any yet. You the only Geez guy on this site?

-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

I'm the one with the dark and creepy stuff. Check out anything with "Killer" in it. Not all of the creepy stuff has "Killer" in it. "Hunting Dinner" is one of the latest and in comments I give a good explanation of who Killer and Sir Gee are. Thalassa asks questions that matter and I gave her the best answers that I could. Thank you for your interest. ~ Geezer.
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author comment

Thanks for the killing tip.
Questions? Yeah, Thal's good at asking questions. Kinda unsettling sometimes, though . . .
Np!

-..- -..- -..- -..- -..- -..-
Xtremely busy Xponentially becoming Xcellently at Xactly _____

I'm the one with the dark and creepy stuff. Check out anything with "Killer" in it. Not all of the creepy stuff has "Killer" in it. "Hunting Dinner" is one of the latest and in comments I give a good explanation of who Killer and Sir Gee are. Thalassa asks questions that matter and I gave her the best answers that I could. Thank you for your interest. ~ Geezer.
.

My chatroom is taking a break
if you have ideas about times that
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author comment
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