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Chaotic Christmas

Submitted by Nichole on Mon, 2012-01-30 23:32

Hurry hurry rush rush,
Turkey in the oven and cranberry crush.
The dog sitting starring at the food,
Pretending to be good.
Hoping I will drop a single crumb,
C'mon sparky, I'm not that dumb.
Drooling in a puddle on the floor,
Oh my how gross Sparky go outdoors.

Kids scrambling around like crazy i see,
"Put that back underneath the tree"
God please give me sympathy.
Oh no the dog crapped on the floor,
I need eggnog I need more.
I Gulp down eggnog and still to find,
I'm quickly running out of time.
In-laws to be here in just an hour,
And still i haven't even showered.

Children running though the house,
Not like like the story at all,
Nothing stirred not even a mouse.
My boy runs through the living room,
With my bra for me doom.
"PUT THAT UP RIGHT NOW"
I'm about to have a cow.

Lipstick on my daughters forehead,
When company comes i'll be dead.
Now my bra is on the dog,
Knock me out with a log.
I go to the fridge door,
Slip in dog drool and land on the floor.
More eggnog yes to come,
I'll be drunk before I'm done.

The cat is in the tree,
Eating ornaments i see.
Now the dog is chasing the cat,
OH NO my tree fell flat!!!
Bottoms up the eggnog bowl,
God please help my innocent soul.
Now I have a mess to clean,
No more beautiful shiny sheen.
My stomach is quickly churning,
OH MY GOD THE TURKEY IS BURNING.
A blackened turkey I come to find,
And I'm officially out of time.

Sitting on the floor with the eggnog bowl,
Is where they will find my tired soul.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
I wanted to write a funny poem. I hope you like it
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft
Workshop: 
Expanding Your Perspective

Comments

Geezer

Tue, 2012-01-31 09:17

Geezer's picture
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It's been played at my house many times over the years. [I don't wear bras], but you know what I mean. The kids are all grown and gone now, but i remember well. I loved the theme as you might expect, but thought that you might tighten up the meter some by making a few changes. I did some on the first two verses but didn't want to do the whole thing for you. Please try to keep the main ideas,[I love them], The title was good, it described the scene.

Hurry hurry, rush rush
Turkey in the oven and cranberry crush
The dog is staring right at the food
Get out of the way, I'm not in the ,mood

Eyes bright and watching for one little crumb
Com'on Sparky, I ain't that dumb
There's a puddle of drool there on the floor
That's just so gross, you're out the door

I love rhyme and it comes easy to me. Many people disparage rhyme, saying that it is a dead or dying form of poetry, but I find it most sastifying to be able to keep this old form going. Good luck in tightening this one up.
~ Geezer

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