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Change of Heart

Her days begin and end
with her secrets still untold
no one knows the truth
about her lonely troubled soul.

She sees no way out
of the dark place she's in,
it is the frozen loneliness
of holding pain within.

With no desire for living
in fear and despair,
she makes her choice to end it all
to make everything right and clear.

A walk outside on a wintery night
with no one else around,
she sees a spread of snow
under a street light
and there she lies down.

She tries to relax her back
against the soft bed
of bright white snow.

Her warm breath
a visible vapor
rises cutting through
the crackling cold air.

She desperately desires
the quiet deep sleep
in that dark night sky.

Glistening red
Rosy cheeks
Frozen tears
Nostrils sealed
In thin layers of
Mucous glue

Her eyes glazed with
impaired vision blurred
gazing blankly at those
glittering stars above
light-years away
burning out
their own Time.

Still, she lies
in painful cold
yet comforted
by the warm trickle
inside her coat sleeves.

Suddenly she hears
her young voice
HOWLING
inside her head,
wailing against
her thoughts
with a shocking

change of heart.
Wait! No!
Get Up!
Get up Now!

Words heard
Too late
To escape
her chosen fate.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words: 
Apr 16, 2019 - Suicide is a Leading Cause of Death in the United States According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) WISQARS Leading Causes of Death Reports, in 2017: Suicide was the tenth leading cause of death overall in the United States, claiming the lives of over 47,000 people. Suicide was the second leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 10 and 34, and the fourth leading cause of death among individuals between the ages of 35 and 54. There were more than twice as many suicides (47,173) in the United States as there were homicides (19,510).
Editing stage: 

Comments

It's like you put yourself there and part of you wishes you had not.
Once again you prove your love for enjambment.
The only difficulty I had with it was trying to understand it and that slowed me down for the style.
Once I believed I got by the meaning of the content it was fine for me.
Thanks,

~Mark~

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then I need to fix that somehow. It is my style for certain, but sometimes I get caught up in it. This poem was a response to a friend who lost her brother to suicide and it made me wonder how many young people give up on life and seek suicide as the solution but at the last minute, they change their mind. This was such a horrifying thought to me that I gave the character my female voice.
Thank you for your critique, Mark, and let me know if you have any thoughts on how I could make this clearer.
Thanks,

~ Marthalyn

author comment

Those two components and their connections were unclear to me.
That's all.
Maybe it's just me.
Latter,

~Mark~

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Depression is a silent killer.

~ Marthalyn

author comment

A desperate animal is always a bad thing. Depression does not kill but a decision to kill out of desperation may.
Neither of my two cousins were depressed, however they were desperate and acted on that decision.
Also depression is rather obvious so I'm not so sure about it being a silent killer, however it is certainly debilitating.
It's a complicated poem for me but i understand it much better now, thanks.
Always,

~Mark~

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Nice to meet you. I really liked your poem but I didn't know much about enjambment. It seems you are an expert. I wasn't sure if this was a poem about someone out in the cold and laying in the snow wanting to die then changing her mind but it was too late. Let me know if I'm wrong. I am really interested in learning more about your poem.

B9Pat

Thank you, B9Pat, for your comments and questions. My response to Mark explains the source of my poem and why I had to write it. Enjambment is simply a style of poetry that does not necessarily rhyme at the end of one line. It's a wraparound kind of thing that keeps its meter and rhyme without sticking to the single line. Rhyme happens withing the lines but not always at the end and continues that way throughout the poem. I hope that helps (((smiles)))

Thanks,

~ Marthalyn

author comment

with your talents I feel there is no reason to hide the intent of the poem. There is no reference to suicide, i would never have known what you meant. At first I thought it was an animal lying in the snow...then the coat took me out of that and I lost any thread of your intent.
I am on a personal crusade to get poets to stop hiding the intent of their poems. This recent phenomenon in poetry is taught in schools, which have done a good job making people hate poetry.
Nothing would be lost, and all the poem to gain, if you included in poetic form the aspects of the poem you give in comments.
Poets that tell me their poems are up for interpretation and whatever works for the reader is ok..not for me. If nobody understands what you meant to say, why bother saying it?
There can be many layers of "meaning" that evolve from a poem in which the content is accessible and clear. Ok, this is a poem about a person considering suicide. From there you can go into the poetic gestures of the narrative, invite us in to feel the emotion., build images, engage the reader.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

When and in music there were hidden messages, usually related to drugs. If you did not know those messages then you were left out in the cold. Back then it was necessary. These days it could be a sort of genre I suppose but I would prefer the content clear and even better if it were to have layers of interpretation under it or some ambiguity running aside it.
Truly,

~Mark~

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This is a very good good poem. I can feel the sadness.
It is all there to tell the story.
You may be able to remove some words that are not necessary
like:
by the warm trickle
by warm trickles
Things like that, Martha, ya might try.

I doubt ya need all the stats as the poem is speaking for itself but that's all up to you after all ya did the research :~)

What a difference though.
Later,

~Mark~

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is about her slit wrists. Thank you, Mark, for your reevaluation. I wrote the intro on-site and didn't check it enough. I see that the meter is off a bit in the 4th stanza. Anyway, I do appreciate and respect your comments and opinions. Always.

Thanks, again.

~ Marthalyn

author comment
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