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A Chair On The Porch

A chair, on the front porch, I stew;
I sat, absorbed the view;
The universe, I'm drawn into;
It's source, I quietly knew;

Birds sang, in smelting heat;
Babies fed, on mother's beak;

Life's unfairness, deprives;
Inner peace, locked inside;
My wit's end, have arrived;
Another day, another strive;

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
Life it is what it is
Editing stage: 

Comments

I think your poem reads well. This poem has a Dickenson sesnibility-, a great poet to be influenced by! I recently saw the film "A Quiet Passion" based on her life..a must see for her fans. Perhaps a Best Actress Oscar! It just came out, but should be in the art theaters around.
There are many questions I bring to the poem-You quietly know the source of the universe. I cannot know what it is to you, I want to know..
Follows is the tender aspect of nature, babies on the mothers beak. But this is immediately followed by all that is wrong with life in general, Life's unfairness. We might all know that life is unfair, kind of a universal truth, but I don't know why that is to you, at this moment in the poem. and that you're striving for something..inner peace?
So my analysis is that you should perhaps try to do less with the poem, and focus in on one theme and play with it...like Dickerson.
Your emotions certainly pop off the page...and the rhymes are nice, not forced.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

Welcome to Neopoet; nice to meet you;
The comparison to Dickerson has me rejoicing;
I made some changes; I hope it reads better;
I had hoped the title would pop my theme off the page;
I'm pleased to know I have not disappoint;
My rhyming is normally a challenge and somewhat forced,
Today I dug deep into my psyche to make this poem rhyme the way I did;
I'm glad you think it nice;

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author comment

Very succinct yet not terse. I liked it............stan

Succinct is what I was going for; you're the highlight of my long day; ;)

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

If I'M the highlight of your day it must have been a doozy lol...........stan

And it ain't over yet as it will spill into another day

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

A lovely write as you journey through another day, I hope your health is much better now.
Take care and have a lovely day out there,
Yours as always Ian xx

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

My health is much better these days;
I've learn the natural, nutritional means to healing
Glad you came by

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

the view from the porch
in its real form
all in perspective of balance
the good and dark
Thank U Barbara

I too appreciate this
poem..just what I needed to
read this morning!
and its been a good day
but the elder man crew
whom are nice stood up
for those disrespected

amazing...there is still
good left!

and in a way they were
stewing over it..
but not in it..

Always glad to see you here
Glad the poem made you day

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

Glad to know I touch all the key points that caught your attention
I thought simple would be more effective to bring out the porch scene
I love sitting on the porch it's invigorating for inner peace
enigmatic- do you mean hard to understand or mysterious

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

Intriguing mysterious is the portrait I went for as if it was a painting I call "poetic View " the title of my first poetry book.
This poetry scene could be anybody with whatever their mysterious thoughts are.
I may write a little teaser to this as who she is and what draws her to the comfort of the porch chair.
Glad you like it

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

The site went crazy reposting lol

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka. All Neopoets welcome to join the Collaborative Poetry Writing Workshop.
https://pixiblogs.blacpixi.com/

author comment

you nailed it...........Intriguing!

Dear you,
I am trying to x-ray the dynamism of human nature on my writing desk best exposed on a black and white....

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