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Chain (eddy styx) (updated)

Submitted by Candlewitch on Wed, 2012-02-01 11:10

Chain

tug my chain
my attention to gain
I rise and follow
in near silent pursuit

I am addicted
although restricted
to track your footsteps
from far behind

knowing not
what you've got
a devote disciple or
a stalker with sights trained

here a warning
far from morning
stray not from safe abode
down darkened paths

speak no slur
of stranger's spur
or a worse fate than reproach
occurring by blooded blade to endure

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

infinite_dwarf

Wed, 2012-02-01 17:53

infinite_dwarf's picture

"knowing not
what you've got
a devote desciple or
a stalker with sights trained"

That sent little shivers up my spine.

Interesting rhyme scheme, I don't think I've ever seen it before. Is there a term for it, or did it just appear?

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-02-02 11:28

Candlewitch's picture
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It is always a pleasant surprise to find your name in my comments section! I know how busy you are, so thanks for this. The style just came to me, lol. What should we call it? It developed with the poem.

(It is soooo good to have you here!!!)

always, eddy (& cat)

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author comment

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2012-02-02 03:00

Nordic cloud's picture

I really experienced the 'music' of this Cat,
you caught the senses with the words in the first two lines of the verses
in an unusual manner. I would like to dance to this.

"I am addicted
although restricted
to track your footsteps
from far behind"

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-02-02 11:34

Candlewitch's picture
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I'm so glad you read and liked this! I hope it didn't scare you, lol. Thanks so much for stopping by my page, reading and leaving your thoughts with me.

always, eddy (& cat)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

Nordic cloud

Thu, 2012-02-02 14:28

Nordic cloud's picture

It takes a lot to scare me, ......I think!! :)

Not sure what you were alluding to eddy+Cat
Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-02-02 15:09

Candlewitch's picture
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aluding to... follow (eddy) in his quest but be respectful, LOL.

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

lou

Thu, 2012-02-02 04:29

lou's picture

No word of a lie, you have done it again, sorry to say it is near perfection, i'm not worthy!! i'm not worthy!!!

Ya boo sucks to criique police LOL!!

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Candlewitch

Thu, 2012-02-02 11:37

Candlewitch's picture
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Thanks, but you have much to offer with your own words through experience! I look forward to them as you often inspire me.

always, eddy (& cat)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

lou

Thu, 2012-02-02 11:53

lou's picture

thanks , ooh it's a love fest LOL!!

Much love Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Candlewitch

Sat, 2012-02-04 23:04

Candlewitch's picture
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Write me a good BH poem!!!

always, Cat

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment

wesley snow

Sat, 2012-02-18 21:39

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Eddy Styx is a pseudonym. I'm going to buy your book. Eddy's poetry is, of course, not my cup of tea, but I like the immediacy of it. Since Eddy is a character, do the poems ever sneak into the realm of storytelling?
And now that I know you are a published author, I know you need to be careful in your editing, so...
"Disciple" is spelled with an "i" and "occurring" has two "r's".
Am I annoying you yet?

Grammar Cop over and out.
wesley

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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Candlewitch

Sun, 2012-02-19 14:42

Candlewitch's picture
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Yes, eddy styx is my male alter ego :) Yes, he has ventured into some storry telling. No you are not annoying. I appreciate your help. I am a terrible speller, lol. Thank you for buying the book. Please do come back an offer your eagle eye again. You are always welcome.

Thanks, eddy (& cat)

*
When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

author comment
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