Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Centre

Submitted by judyanne on Sat, 2012-05-05 03:25

The I at the centre of my universe
is mentally, physically so unaware
that multiple sentience, widely diverse
with manifold centres of I's, with me share

through various insights accorded to all
the wonders of manifest here for the soul
The better for digest and easy recall
the singular works are removed from the whole

The entire universe splintered and vibrant
decoded by infinite angles of view
examined by limitless sense, endless agents
and never one single I really accrues

the beauty and terror in perfect balance
ascending in octaves or gradients of time
throughout the wide paradigm of our existence
'til reaching the centre of I, called divine

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - draft

Comments

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-05-08 03:03

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

Oh, now you've really got me! Intelligent, mindful as well as thoughtful, beautifully written.

Until the last line. [sighs] ok, bring in divinity if you must, I'll just exit at line 15

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Tue, 2012-05-08 13:18

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

exit at line 15
- i know
i had trouble with it... i wanted to convey the divintiy and oneness of all.... and purposefully left out 'the'
--- but felt it still read as a godhead...
don't know how to fix it, maybe a comma after 'one'?

thanks jess
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

judyanne

Tue, 2012-05-08 16:33

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

changed 'one' to 'I'
not perfect, but better i think
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

weirdelf

Tue, 2012-05-08 18:57

weirdelf's picture
Volunteer badge

better

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

judyanne

Sun, 2012-05-13 02:11

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

i haven't heard this one
lol - i looked it up on u-tube
and know why i don't know it - dreadful music
- i obviously changed the station before hearing the poetry -
amazing poetry with terrible music
lol - my opinion

hey eph thanks for the read and comment and talking heads lesson
love judd
xxxx
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.