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Cellar Door

Can you hear it?
Beneath the floor,
Knocking on the cellar door?

It's big and hairy, and just a bit scary.
Not short or small,
Breathing right behind the wall.

At night I hear it down below.
Roars and moans
As it's sorrow grows.

So lonely it must be.
For it's all alone you see?
It has no friends.

Beneath the floor,
It is simply forevermore
And just beyond the cellar door.

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Comments

There is almost a child like innocence to it but it is well crafted.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
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I get the "child like" Comments on a lot of my poetry so I think maybe my inner poet is a child as well.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

We all have our own monsters don't we? I liked this poem but think it might be a bit more effective if you named the monster....just a thought that rattled out of empty head......stan

Thanks Stan. The name is what I'm struggling with.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

to disagree with Stan and say that I think Monster is enough of a name. As we all have our private monsters, it is more likely to connect with the reader if they supply their own monster's name. ~ Geezer.

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Cellar Door is the title for sure!

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

You set up scene with some cute word play in the first three stanzas which draws the reader in na keep his interest. Then you introduce the "monster" which feels a little Sesame Street to me. I would consider this:

So lonely it must be.
For it's all alone you see?
It has no friends.

Beneath the floor,
It is simply for evermore
And just beyond the cellar door.

Whatever IT is now becomes an opening for the reader to devise his own concept- this sad, hairy, moaning, friendless apparition that is just on the other side of the door... "Monster" is too generic, and I think leaving it abstract works better.

I like the on /off rhymes. Cool idea for a poem.

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

i like leaving it to the imagination of the reader.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

you have made subconscious thoughts conscious in this poem,,,good craft and language skill .....
..............................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

I have no words. just thank you.

The Unknown Poet

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author comment

you guys are all so nice!

The Unknown Poet

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author comment
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