Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.
Cat-like on the prowl
Her assignment was easy,
almost drooling with the thought of
the delectable Simon.
In London, the train stations
record human senses, one just
has to be on the prowl, cat-like
on her jaguar paws.
He nearly missed the train this morning,
and everything changed for a few minutes,
Can you imagine the silence of suspended
animation? With a little help, he did catch
the 8 a.m. just
as he does every week day.
She would sit
next to him, soaking in his aura. Inhaling
him in her love.
Guardian angels are just like that. And some
have work weeks too.
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
weirdelf
Tue, 2012-03-27 23:33
This somehow lacks the poignancy it could reveal
Or the menace.
That last line bothers me, my guardian angel has PTSD, others intervene gently, perhaps you could add a more human angel element to it.
Great concept, I think it could use a little work.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Nordic cloud
Wed, 2012-03-28 10:15
A fascination rendezvous
A fascination rendezvous
in a 'deja vu' sort of queue
as they go to work on the bench
pressed together as if in a trench
the man and the woman,
the one and the other
we wonder if they are
angel and lover.
I agree with Jess on the great concept.
Ann.
"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.
Kailashana2
Wed, 2012-03-28 10:23
Glad you enjoyed, Ann. I don
Glad you enjoyed, Ann. I don't really believe in angelic beings or devilish ones. Humans have enough traits that embody both.
Jess, if you can't see *drooling at the thought* or work weeks for the so-called guardian angel as human traits,
well, I don't know what else will float your boat.
Maybe you should write it instead. It's about time you practiced what you preached.
Ya?
~A
author commentweirdelf
Wed, 2012-03-28 10:33
I am back!
I helped create the real Neopoet culture and I am not going back to my medicated niceness.
Honesty is the only way to help poets.
And I will be writing again soon as soon as these mind-fuck medications were off.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
Kailashana2
Wed, 2012-03-28 11:17
Jess, hopefully there's a
Jess, hopefully there's a happy medium, everyone needs *balance* in their lives. Me, I lose faith in humanity, being so involved politically with so many issues. My balance is returning to the sense of love that permeates through and as the universe itself which gives birth to all that is.
Perhaps you & your doctors can work out a healthy holistic balance with your meds; you don't want to hit rock bottom again nor do you want another stroke, if you had one. Sometimes psychotropic drugs have disastrous
side effects, unfortunately.
Much love and healing,
~
author commentloved
Wed, 2012-03-28 13:30
Love is the only medicine such folks need
Love is the only medicine such folks need
Sad I always see across the boards here
fighting about angels and angles
when one is on medication …
friends meditate alongside him
for the mind has magnetic cobwebs within,
which none can straighten
except meditation... tc
all share the sadness,
the sorrows without being mistaken
and
of course without hallucination
loved
weirdelf
Wed, 2012-03-28 14:00
"Love is the only medicine such folks need"
You dumb ignorant fuck.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Wed, 2012-03-28 14:10
mind ur language.......................
ok excused
shout and fuck as usual
we all know uuuuuuuuu well now
tc jay...
meditate u must
be well soon
Neo needs uuuuuuuuuuuu
ere it will collapse
don't apologize as u normally do
i shall tell the father
father forgive him
for he knows not....................
loved
weirdelf
Wed, 2012-03-28 18:41
my language was provoked by your ignorance.
Mental health is caused by a plethora of causes. Brain chemical imbalances, abuse, society and a lot of other things. Love can help, therapy and medication.
edited
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry
loved
Thu, 2012-03-29 13:09
I know
I am a psychiatrist
have cured many like you
who know
they don't know,
yet they say NO!
get well soon you don't curse me
or abuse
my love for your professionalism cultivates me.
you have kicked many out of Neopoets arena
I wanted to retain
but you overruled them so
but don't worry
I shall never go,
come what may
and
you know
even with a sledge hammer
my head you try to blow
I shall still not go
loved
Kailashana2
Wed, 2012-03-28 15:47
This isn't exactly what the
This isn't exactly what the poem was about, or perhaps it was. In any case, civility always wins, Jess. You can be
brutally honest AND civil.
One has to own his/her emotions and thoughts, not project them onto another person, regardless of how true it may or may not be. That's how civility and truth go hand in hand, I think; otherwise we're all fucked on this
planet.
~A
author commentEduardo Cruz
Wed, 2012-03-28 16:08
Anna
I am always amazed with people who believe in both, because they love one and hate the other. Yet, they do not see the quality of both in humans. I do agree with you. I just think the way you wrote it, was not equal to the explanation you gave in your comments. I kind agree with Jess in the sense, that your ability for writing kind of went slightly south here.
I think you can do way more with this.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Kailashana2
Wed, 2012-03-28 18:34
It was a simple story-poem
It was a simple story-poem with a couple twists. We didn't know it was about a guardian angel until the last lines, and the guardian angel worked 8-6. Her day started when her *man* got on the train. (Presumably ended when he got off on his return trip.) She made time stop in order for him not to miss the train,apparently she didn't want to work overtime though she may have been in love with him as far as I can deduce.
~A
author commentEduardo Cruz
Thu, 2012-03-29 00:37
Anna,
I did not get all of this from the poem I did understand the angel part. As the read I felt short changed. I have been told that I sometime forget the reader and write it only in my perspective, with out given enough detail so as to let the reader follow my train of thought. Your clarification has opened my mind to the thought you we're conveying. I did not see all that in the poem. Still I enjoy your writing. There is a certain, "yo no se que" that draws me in.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Kailashana2
Thu, 2012-03-29 07:50
This is absolutely
This is absolutely hysterically ironic. My last few poems have been very simple and weightless, so to speak and yet folks still don't *get it*.
I get that.
And thanks for reading, perhaps you read others and don't comment, Eddie, for which I thank you. How's life treating you?
~A
author commentEduardo Cruz
Thu, 2012-03-29 09:52
Anna
life is wonderful in the universe I live, thanks for asking. I do read just about everything you write, and yes most of the time I do not comment. the simple reason is I get it. I just don't see a need to comment on all your writing. I read it and smile to myself. On this one, (and maybe you are Right) the simplcity was to much to handle in how I see your other writes. Again I just think from reading you over the years that you could have done much more, while still keeping it simple. (keep it simple the way of the Taoist).
A pleasure talking this over with you, and having the clarity of this moment shared with you. I am and will always be a fan. i am out here reading in the quiet of space.
Eddie
LIFE ISN'T ABOUT WAITING FOR THE STORM TO PASS
IT'S ABOUT LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IN THE RAIN.
VIVIAN GREENE
Kailashana2
Thu, 2012-03-29 12:24
"Now."
"Now."
What an idea whose time has come!
;-)
hug.
author commentEsker
Sat, 2012-03-31 10:47
Angles and Tickets
"inhaling him in her love" action and ..is love an emotion or a feeling??
from my upbringing there is confusion
so when I do get a signal from this area Im never certian
its dreamy its hazy like being partially blind
Im drawn to the aura of a person too
or voice
pleasant isnt it for angels to guide those whom are a love
rather then a challenge
a break perhaps for them
from a time when Gods fell in love with humans
or humans fell in love with angels
for that belief still after all the imposter days
of travel
for many is a miracle
I see many angels sipping coffee
driving past in their cars
sitting by the waterfront
they visit in dreams
with messages from the dead
the past and future
I brush against their meaning
in the rush crush of morning
how they jostle me distracting
me and i miss a bus
watching them as they
guide their assignments
coffee in hand
slipping away with the growl
of the morning diesel
Great poem Kailashana