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Carrie and Wes for the humor workshop

Sly Hemlock Shomes
Had an obsession with hair
The loss of his favorite combs
Was far too much to bare.

In his despair, he couldn't find
Any of his checkered hats,
So he threw on one of his cats
And began to tear apart his lair

From here to there
Hemlock looked about.
He became so frustrated
That he started to shout.

The cat got scared,
Pulled out his hair
And left him dandy bald
With still no hats to wear.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 
Workshop: 

Comments

We did a good job considering humor is not one of our strong suits :)

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

This is really funny. Short but right to the point.
The rhyme scheme puzzled me a bit, but I thought I can ignore it as fun is the target.Great job friends!!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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This was a bit informal compared to the poetry we have written in the past. It was a lot of fun and silly. Was made to get a laugh out of everyone! Glad you smiled.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Great word play - very cleverly written and imaginative. Bet you had fun writing it!

Love Mand xxxx

Felt good to be silly and not so disciplined

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Ol' Hemlock won't Need his comb now lol.I got a big grin out of this especially knowing the 2 stuffed shirts who wrote it (just kidding)......stan

Even us stuffed shirts can pull a little humor out of the air every so often.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

Loved the cat being used as a hat trick, I remember some Amer's using Possums and talking funny..
Good joint work there, Yours Ian

.
Give critique to help keep Neopoet great.
Unconditional love to you all.
"Learn to love yourself first"
Yours as always, Ian.T, Sparrow, and Yenti

My cats lay on my head all the time so I thought of them as I wrote it. I have one in particular that is good at turning himself into a hat or scarf. Glad you got a laugh.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I just cleaned up some grammar.
This is all her.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

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author comment

For the credit but it was your cleaning it up that made it good. Always a pleasure to work with you....

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I really like the name Hemlock Shomes...
I enjoyed reading this
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Glad you had fun reading this! Hemlock Shomes was a play on Wes' favorite character, Sherlock Holmes. I just played with the letters a bit. It was nice to write something out of character and on the lighter side. It was good to laugh out loud while working on this in addition to laughing while reading everyone elses contributions. Thanks for the comment!

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

I 'got' the spoonerism ...
:)
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I have to agree with Carrie given your normal subject matter you both did a fine job in the writing and editing, I really enjoyed it and thought it very cleverly put together

Its so nice to be back, for as long as I am able, I will be coming and going, I am sorry if I intruded on the workshop but I had to leave my thoughts on this one

love Jayne x

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

You are always welcome to stop by my poems. This was alot of fun, nice to come out of my comfort zone and not have to worry so much about following guidelines. Seems alot of us have had some difficult times as of lately so a good laugh was definitely needed all around. Please keep in touch

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

good job guys
sometimes a little silliness is just what the doctor ordered

Chrys
Let your mercy spill on all these burning hearts in hell(Leonard Cohen)

I'd like to thank the Academy and all the little people.

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
http://www.neopoet.com/mentor/about

author comment

Nicely put, Wesley. We stuffed shirts earned our award.

Keep Writing,
Carrie

"Quoth said the Raven, NEVERMORE"

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