Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Car Radio

I’m sorry I can no longer hide it
In my dark mind from the start
Forced to deal with the violent
Fires of my once cold heart
You torched my world aflame
To dance among the embers
Now I’m shouting to exclaim
Love that everyone remembers
With stories of burning passion
That may give you the identity
I am your demons’ assassin
And your closest extremity
For this dream is just a lie
Leave the scene I say goodbye

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Nice poem. I don't much get the title's relationship with the poem's theme. The rhythm could flow a bit better. I usually read poetry like lyrics of a song. I'm somewhat an orthodox poet, so what I hear maybe different from what you or another hears.

This is what I mean. I did this part to show how I hear the rhythm pattern and pacing
The stories of burning passion
gives way to my identity
as your demons' assassin
and closest extremity.

For this dream is just a lie
so, leave the scene, goodbye.
This is just me and by no means the last say. It's you masterpiece to create your way.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

Neopoet Community

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.