Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Butterfly

In this world, there is nothing except me and my garden.
The garden filled with nothing but a black and white empty space.
No green land, but a black empty frame.
How do I colour you again?
How does the hostile become one?
How do I make these flowers bloom?
How do I start again?
A garden,
But with nothing but a colourless frame.
The butterfly seeks to flutter.
However, These wings cannot fly again.

Review Request (Intensity): 
Please use care (this is a sensitive subject for me, do not critique harshly)
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

it is very nice to meet you! welcome to Neopoet. if you have any trouble finding your way around, here, just ask me and I will help. if you have any questions about this site, ask me and I will answer your questions. If I cannot, then we shall find someone who can help.
I like your title, butterflies are both pretty and and fragile, with a very short life span. your language usage is good and the poem. but I would trade (thee) for something else like (you, or your bowers again) other wise, your poem is smoothly written.

I think that the butterfly is a metaphor for you and your life. you seem to be at a place in your life that has slowed down. on the verge of boredom and you wish for something exciting to happen. that is just my opinions. you may use my suggestions or not. that is your call.

*hugs, Cat

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

I too like your poem. I agree with all that Cat has said and that you should follow her suggestions. There is an air of depression about this, that I think will disapate once you start writing about these feelings. Finding your voice in poetry helps. Keep writing and remember that you have joined a family here. We pride ourselves as being reachable. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thank you for your advice. I'd adhere to them in time as I continue writing. Thank you for welcoming me too.

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.