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BUTTERFLIES IN THE MIST
Mist pools in my old green eyes
as I recall those times long gone
in days which fled like butterflies.
I mask my tears with a false yawn
(as if somebody's here to see)
how much those now gone meant to me.
Style / type:
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage:
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.
Comments
Eumolpus
Mon, 2017-07-03 11:32
very moving
a lot said in little space, with memorable images.very true.
I love the idea of the false yawn to mask your tears, but to me it is to hide or conceal your inner feelings from that somebody who is there to see or judge your sorrow, not "as if". A normal reaction of pride. Just my take.
Otherwise bravo, I wish I could say as much in so few words. .
Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings
scribbler
Mon, 2017-07-03 14:31
Greetings
Most of my stuff is admittedly long winded so I try to write something short once in a while to give folks a break. I am pleased you think this shorty is well written and thanks for the time to read.........stan
author commentweirdelf
Mon, 2017-07-03 14:27
Well written
and as Eumpolus said "compression of meaning", my favourite thing.
Didn't relate though. I like getting old, I'm getting kinder and more understanding and know a few things more. I love my grey hair and grizzly beard and lack of social expectations.
I don't even mind the ones dying before me. They had their time and I can go "Nyea, nyea, beat you".
Maybe it's all delusion, the body grows old but I'm still just a naughty little boy.
cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
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scribbler
Mon, 2017-07-03 14:34
Hi Jess
Seems I recall somebody's sister whom you mourned but I'll keep that secret lol. I also consider myself a young man.....until it's time to scale a ladder or drag a deer from the woods then the truth of age rears its ugly head lol. (but not Too loud). Thanks for the read and kind comment.......stan
author commentOriginalRhyku
Thu, 2017-07-13 04:48
Scribbler
Emotive, evocative, reflective and empathetic.
scribbler
Thu, 2017-07-13 08:03
Hello
Thank you for both taking time to read and leaving such kind comment........stan
author comment