Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

The Burning Phoenix.

One hand holds the sky
One hand holds the earth
Am in the middle of a quicksand
And a sea
I turn to the moon to share
My worries

I walk the steps of dreams
To fufill my predestined fate
Agony and guilt weigh me down
But the burning flames
Of dreams relinquish me

I walk the thorns of life
With the sword of determine
In my hand
A teardrop
That is me.

I was drenched in the sea
Of Oblivion
Somewhere in the clouds
Somewhere in the forest
I would see a burning Phoniex

My right hand holds you
My left hand lets you go
You and me
Me and you
Are of no difference.

Funmzy Artz.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I like your title and flow into the poem proper. there is much emotion put into this, which I really enjoyed. these are my favorite lines:

I walk the steps of dreams
To fufill my predestined fate
Agony and guilt weigh me down
But the burning flames
Of dreams relinquish me

(though they were hard to select!)

*hugs, Cat
ever, eddy

When someone reads your work
And responds, please be courteous
And reply in kind, thanks.

@funmzy

author comment

@funmzy

author comment

a dilemma here. I want to correct some of your speech but find that I would be extinguishing some of the charm of the work and fixing something that doesn't need fixing. I think that if I were to ask another Nigerian, to read it, they would understand
perfectly where you are going with this. There are others here on the site that I do manage to make understandable in English and this could use some rewriting, but I'm thinking that you have written a good poem here. Maybe if you write more and it becomes murky; then I will interfere with your language skills. ~ Geezer.
.

It seems that the days and hours that people
are available for chatroom are staggered and
not a good match for most everyone. How about
if everyone just shows up at the door, whenever
they have a few free minutes?

Thanks for the comment. I am looking forward to seeing your comment on my next poem.

@funmzy

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.