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The Burning Pen

Desire,
it burns in my soul.
The dream to be
a spinner of words
to carve what I feel
with the tip
of a dancing pen;
the expression
of what it is
to be a human.

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

some great work, Alidzain. If you want serious critique, I will give you some. Just two little things caught my eye.

1] Use an [a] instead of [the] in the line - spinner of words...
2] leave off the [s] in the word tip, it should be singular.

Your title is apt, but a little bland. All the rest of this is as good as any and better than most that I have seen from you. ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I was trying to describe a poet's passion the best and this one came out. Glad you liked it.Thank you for the visit, the read and the critique. Done the edits.

Alid

author comment

this is a poet's poem and expresses my own feelings it's like I wrote it myself.
Some alternate titles?
"The Burning Pen"
"The Rampant Spider's Dream"
"Poets Dancing on the Head of a Pin"
"Ratbags Write Good"
"(Trying To Be) Human"

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

really appreciate it.

Alid

author comment

what a wiley title
the beginning of a poem

I like the whole feel of this
poem...its moving..
going somewhere..
humming with energy

but then..i carved so I like
the reference there..
the pens as carving
instruments amazing

excellent expression!

W

Glad you liked it.

Alid

author comment

.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

Thanks for the appreciation. lol

Alid

author comment

I'm with Jess, I like this a lot. Couldn't have written it better myself! ~ Gee.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

appreciate it very much.

Alid

author comment

It is far more succinct than I ever manage, while still being highly descriptive.

Keith Logan
the happy chappy
https://www.neopoet.com/community-guidelines

For the visit, the read and the comment.

Alid

author comment
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