Took Friday off work to drink at the pub, (Wined it was bad constipation)
And there met a worldly man-about-town, who drew me to his conversation
“There's one thing" he stated. "About women I know, after years of observance. 'he said
The ones that tell lies will all have brown eyes, can't trust 'em at work or in bed.

'Do tell?' I presented (thought he was demented) "Go on?" I coaxed him to say.
"Believe me the man-about-town commented, "Brown eyes are the worst any day.
Well I must confess now that it's mentioned, Three years of my marriage gone by
And I know my wife's many private intention but I don't know her color of eye.

I honestly doubt if they're green or blue Don't know if they're oval or round
I really must have a critical view And hope to God they're not brown.
So when I returned just after noon I discovered the wife was asleep
And rather than wake her an hour too soon I thought I would take a quick peep

I lifted her eyelids careful and kind to study her eyes and their hue
With hope against hope I trusted to find that her eyes were not brown but were blue
They opened and then all dishonor was spread "BROWN!" I exclaimed in despair
Then a stranger crawled out from under my bed Asking 'How did you know I was there?'