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Breathing Ecstasy

she was
his glory
which he
wore so
well
in her
he rejoiced
through him
she was sublime
together
they drew ecstasy
with each
breath

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

Welcome to Neopoet an online poetry workshop site as too community of poets...

I note from your profile page that you are a resourceful artist and like to paint abstract paintings...no wonder then that you like to use poetry as a medium to express your thoughts, feelings, emotions and may be also to leave a between the lines message...

While you scour through various resources available on Neopoet you will find workshops and poems which you will find useful in your journey here...

I liked the ease with which you have expressed "Breathing Ecstasy"....

personally I like short verses as in your poem because it is a challenge to express a lot in fewer words..

it is expected that fellow members not only should use Neopoet to showcase their poetry to be read by others but as a workshop site also comment / critique the works of others ...so please do that and accept the critique of your poems in a positive manner....in short be synergistic..

in my opinion your poem would read better if you break it down in short stanzas such as..

she was
his glory
which he
wore so
well

in her
he rejoiced
through him
she was sublime

together
they drew ecstasy
with each
breath

of course that's just my opinion I wished to share..

looking forward to read more of your poems
...................................................................................

raj (sublime_ocean)

You kept it simple in the twilight of this piece very good writing. Overall a great piece standing together you acquired in this piece. Remarkable words of insight that you cleave to really good in direction. Through space and time you have directed a line for real respect. A doorway of hope. I like the play of objects in this piece really good.

Mario Vitale

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