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Boys can be bulimic too
Next time you check my arms and see nothing new
Try to check how I chew
Because maybe I have a different way
Of showing you I’m not okay.
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Last few words:
PLEASE READ THIS *This poem is to raise awareness not to raise eyebrows
Editing stage:
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Comments
raj
Wed, 2018-04-04 04:58
Scooby
I echo the comments and sentiments of JRS above..
..................................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Halcyon
Wed, 2018-04-04 09:45
On a pedestal...
On a pedestal, I place this poem to live a life all it's own. A compliment to the poet for a very special piece.
What did you think of my title?
-The alliteration of "boys/bulimic," pops perfectly off the lips.
- I, perhaps we, don't think of boys & bulimic so that immediately captures attention.
- The whole title "Boys can be bulimic too," summarizes the whole poem and could be a poem all by itself. It certainly had me thinking, "yeah." Great title!
How was my language use?
- Consistent with the theme. "Try to check how I chew," is super good.
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
- The conversational writing against the AABB rhyme scheme is a bit of genius. The rhyme is almost unnoticeable and yet so present.
How does this theme appeal to you?
- I love the theme. It hangs out in the chilling shadows but is sharp and penetrating.
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
- A powerful beginning and ending in its simply stated economy.
Is the internal logic consistent?
- All good.
This is a little gem of a poem scooby. Very impressed at how much you've written in such brevity.
raj
Wed, 2018-04-04 11:37
Your analysis of Scooby's
Your analysis of Scooby's poem is so good Halcyon..
.........................
raj (sublime_ocean)
Halcyon
Wed, 2018-04-04 16:33
A gem..
A gem deserves the effort. Thank you raj.
themoonman
Wed, 2018-04-04 19:07
Hi,
Wow, seems a rather simple little
poem but is packed with power!
The only thing I could suggest, it feels like
the second sentence could use another
syllable or two, that is the only thing I felt
or heard.
Thank you for sharing with us.