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Bounded to a broken mirror

It’s like being lost at sea . Aimlessly left adrift within an ocean of pain whose severity occasionally climbs its way towards the bitterly brittle brink of a breakdown. But once it’s about to prick upon its peak . The severity subtly slumps itself down to the nature of normality. Where it’s numbed by the raspy reams of regularity .
Smearing your thoughts into a malformed maze of misty moon lit eyed memories dragging you through your silently sullen seams of delicately dismantled dreams. That’s chaotically crumbled beneath the blunt blackened boots of reality. Leaving you as the
bare
backbone of a mirror sternly staring down upon its shapeless shadow
shamefully shrouded within shattered shades of shallow shards .
Yearning for its tears to mend the
emptiness lingering beneath the cracks. But when fully looked upon all that veers its wilting way back is the rueful reflection of lost time.

Last few words: 
I am a person who tries to see a clear picture through a smeared lens upon life. It may not be sorted but it’s how I express myself. Art has no restrictions it’s only how one expresses himself through any means possible. A life of pain pinned with passion. I’ve had a hole in my skull about a week ago and I’ve been writing a story for about a year.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:

This poem, titled "Bounded to a broken mirror," delves into the emotional turmoil of feeling lost and adrift in a sea of pain. The writer skillfully uses poetic language to describe the ups and downs of this experience, with the severity of the pain fluctuating from peak to normality. The imagery of a "malformed maze of misty moonlit eyed memories" is particularly compelling, conjuring up a sense of disorientation and confusion.

However, the poem occasionally veers into overly flowery language that distracts from the overall impact of the piece. For example, the phrase "raspy reams of regularity" feels forced and doesn't add much to the poem. Additionally, the use of alliteration in "blunt blackened boots of reality" feels a bit heavy-handed.

One suggested line edit would be to change "whose chaotically crumbled" to "that's chaotically crumbled," as it would make the sentence flow more smoothly.

Overall, "Bounded to a broken mirror" is a well-crafted poem that captures the pain and confusion of feeling lost. With a few minor tweaks to the language, it could be even more impactful.

Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact

Hello, Hayden,
It's great to see your work, again. Your title is a captivating thought in itself. Much to think about throughout the entire writing. There is the feeling of pain - especially the "delicately dismantled dreams." As your "Last few words" state, your work reflects your passion. Always eager to read more of your poetry.
Take care, my friend,
Diane

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