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Bound and Gagged

Submitted by Seren on Wed, 2014-02-26 09:24

I watch as you
glide into apathy’s arms,
and collapse
listless and wondering
in awe of emptiness.

As your hands lay open
mine are bound,
our words of hate
hang from barbed wire,
strung out, fluttering,
like the miles of fur
on a rabbit proof fence,
separating us forever.

We pass
into other lives
now as strangers,
when meeting,
our smiles freeze,
sharing the memory
of what our destruction
wrought.

In this spectrum
of now,
we share nothing,
and everything,
but the canyon
grows to swallow
all that was good.

Once we touched,
I was a chalice forged
in your flaming palms.
Once I sampled
the essence of you,
consumed by,
addicted
to the drug of you
And….once,
I felt completion
with you.

Look at you now!
Remembering,
and wishing
my hands unbound.

I see you sneak glances
from the emptiness,
always knowing…

Pride will win

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - polished draft

Comments

raj

Wed, 2014-02-26 13:30

This does create an image of someone struggling in that corridor of uncertainty to be freed of the shackles of yesterday and yet holding on to morsels of countless memories as mementos. Pretty sad but effective.

much love n hugs..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Seren

Thu, 2014-02-27 08:36

Seren's picture

I am very happy you liked it, this ones about two people who were once together but the actions of one have bound the hands of the other pretty much forever, I started writing this a very long time ago its only now that I am finally finishing it off

thanks for the read and your comment

much love and hugs Jayne xxx

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

raj

Thu, 2014-02-27 12:35

Oh! thanks for sharing the background which inspired the poem. So i was way off in my perception.Even if so, you did take me there..

much love and hugs..

raj (sublime_ocean)

Seren

Fri, 2014-02-28 09:06

Seren's picture

No so very far off but every poem can have its own interpretation :) it really doesn't matter if the reader doesn't get an exact meaning, just that they come away with something ? that's my opinion anyway

much love and hugs Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

alidzain

Wed, 2014-02-26 15:11

alidzain's picture

this piece screams triumph even in sadness. there's acceptance of a painful past too.. good work.

Alid
my most recent piece is also about leaving behind a painful past. "The New Beginning"

Seren

Thu, 2014-02-27 08:38

Seren's picture

This ones a old piece finally finished well nearly still some small tweaks yet but its getting close, there is a lot crammed into this one poem its half a lifetime of being with someone condensed, and its what's left after the dust settles

thanks for the read and your thoughts, much appreciated

Jayne

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Roscoe Lane

Thu, 2014-02-27 03:20

Roscoe Lane's picture

This is a beautiful poem, flows so smoothly from begining to end. Love Roscoe...

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

Seren

Thu, 2014-02-27 08:42

Seren's picture

I am very happy you liked it hun thanks for stopping by to read, I will have a look and see if you have anything new I haven't read

love Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

Rula

Thu, 2014-02-27 03:36

Rula's picture
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equisitely crafted.

I'd say consumed by and
addicted to (the drug of) you......just a thought

Nothing more to suggest dear Jayne.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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Seren

Thu, 2014-02-27 08:43

Seren's picture

I love your suggestion I will include it in my edits, I am really happy you liked this one hun thanks for the suggestion it was appreciated

love Jayne x

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment

wesley snow

Thu, 2014-02-27 08:16

wesley snow's picture
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We passed (I would use the present tense here and say "pass")
into other lives
now as strangers,

Also, I would open with "I" watch.
Now.
This is immense. The fence. Your hands. Did you know Stan was running a workshop on imagery? You might share a thing a two.

You need to get signed up on the mentor page, I need to find you a protégé so we stop wasting you and it's high past time you had your own workshop.

Free verse would be appropriate.
Talk to Rula.
You both need to get to work.
Incredible poem. I said that didn't I?

W. H. Snow

A poet is a nightingale, who sits in darkness and sings to cheer its own solitude with sweet sounds. Percy Bysshe Shelley

Learn how, teach others.
The NeoPoet Mentor Program
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Seren

Thu, 2014-02-27 08:49

Seren's picture

More great suggestions I have struggled with this one for a few years, but its coming together now, I will include both your suggestions.

I am in Stan's workshop I will be adding more over the next few days I am working on a poem for it at the moment, I will get onto the mentor page and fill out the app. I have been busy with life the last couple of months but things are settling down some now my time is starting to free up.

incredible poem ? you just made my night :) thank you

love Jayne x

I will message Rula in the next couple of days and work something out

“The world is full of magic things, patiently waiting for our senses to grow sharper.” — W.B. Yeats

author comment
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