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IN THE BOTTOMLESS PIT OF SILENCE

It is not the candor in your eyes
Nor the abyss of dimples that decorate your smile.
It is the clouds on the horizon of my heart
At your sight, a flock of birds flutters in my stomach.

Sometimes I just want to talk and open my heart...
But It seems I struggle to find my feet and my voice,
I struggle to find my voice, Ande
Because your stare weigh twenty tons.

Why do you leave me in this erosion path?
Like a ship hit by a tornado, I'm a wreck
I'm trapped in the compartment of your lashes
I'm submerged in this sea of futile attraction.

Roses bloom in the darkest corners of my heart
Like a field of fireflies startled into pops of light
Every gait, every word you speak holds sway
Gravity keeps dragging me into -

this bottomless pit of silence.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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What did you think of my title?
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Editing stage: 
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Comments

I have missed your poetry in this awful presence we exist in now. I was so hoping to be of some help to you, but nothing works anymore. But is is great to see you are hanging in, and still writing with such authority. Your time will come.

As you have a great knack to do, your opening is great, gets us right in. Great mix of classic surrealism. Last stanza also, end the poem with force. A few suggestions in what is a really very good work,

I struggle to find my voice, Ande, (add a comma, I assume it is a name,,,)
Because your sights weigh twenty tons. (A bit of a stretch with sights- maybe stare, gaze etc. Is also a little awkward with
the previous image of voice )

Why do you leave me in this erosion path? (yes rhymes with lashes, but is forced syntax..)
Like a tornado that hit a ship, I'm a wreck (like a ship hit by a tornado, I'm a wreck ,,,)

Good poem, Drey. Too bad for Ande!

Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

I have edited. The erosion path line was intended to mean left in a state of devastation It is a symbol drawn from an African proverb.

Hommies

author comment

perhaps share that in notes after the poem. BTW, what's the proverb?

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Eumolpus
I'd rather learn from one bird how to sing
than teach ten thousand stars how not to dance
ee cummings

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