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Bonded to win

Until the age of three
Couldn't walk
Little me asked God
Along with my twin
To grant the request
We hold so dearly

Year after year
This feet of mine
Began the first step
To a long journey
A long awaited wish
And to mummy it left me running

He can't walk like me
This beautiful handsome man of mine
My umbilical partner
Whom music is his forte
Dances his own way
Swaying left and right
Like an iroko in a whirling scene
With dad by his side
Cheering him on
Mine freestyle

We walk, we talk, we bond
We stay together in this long trip
We cry, we worry, we laugh
We win in this tortuous arena
Like celebrities baptized by Cerebral Palsy

Review Request (Intensity): 
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
Last few words: 
This is a poem I wrote about my twin brother and I, on our journey living with Cerebral Palsy. I couldn't walk until the age of three. He still can't walk because his case is severe. But he copes with music.
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

I have had some people tell me that beautiful is a much overused word
and they would rather see something else, but to me the word is just right for many things,
this being one of them. I love this poem because you make it about something that is very special;
your relationship with your brother and your family. Your lines are spare, but full of meaning.
There is a natural rhythm that lets you flow freely from one line to the next.
The description of your brother's dance with your father by his side, cheering him on and your freestyle
gives me a visual and I had to go look up [iroko]. At first I was perplexed as to how a tree
had anything to do with the scene; then I got this vision of an Ironwood tree swaying in a windy, whirling scene,
where everything was whirling around in a dizzying picture, but your relationship with your father and brother
the central, steady part. Anyway, I loved the poem and your family. Great work! ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

Thanks so much Mr Geezer. I actually feel the same way too! I'm glad! I feel blessed getting your detailed appreciation of my poem.

author comment

very welcome, I see your potential, keep working at it; [it can be hard work at times]. ~ Geezer.
.

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

I sure will keep working on it. Thank you!

author comment

The fact had been told...
It is really a good poem. I like the arrangements.

"Words are currency of ideas and have the power to change world. Ride your pen on the rough road."

Thank you so much Mr. Joghe

author comment

You are very talented and caring. This is so beautiful and vulnerable but so uplifting. I feel extremely close to my sister and she is three years younger. I imagine your bond is very tight and I appreciate you sharing this extremely personal poem. It brought happy tears to my eyes.

Tim

Aww! Send my love and best wishes to your dear sister! Thanks for coming by my poem. Glad it's a happy tears ☺️

author comment

Hello, Kammy,
Very strong title. You are so gifted to use such inspiring words and language to describe your life, and the lives of your brother and family. But mostly, what I appreciate in the poem is the positive energy and feelings of love.
Thank you,
Lavender

Yes, I do love my family deeply. They are my world, any day any time. Yes, I like the positive energy which we all need at certain times of our lives. Thank you!

author comment

author comment

Super proud of you and how you tell your stories through poem. Keep it up for Dad got your back.

Thank you Dad!

author comment
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