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bon voyage

Submitted by lovedly on Thu, 2015-11-19 23:56

My voyage starts
ere the sunrises
in the Far East
always beyond yonder hills
any where you may see

the ship sails away
in the opposite direction
to the West
the sun knows it,
it chases me daily
as I reach the port
my ultimate destination

it helps me guide
to where I park
ere I get lost
in the dark
and
then it wishes me
Good bye
Do rise.....

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

weirdelf

Fri, 2015-11-20 04:32

weirdelf's picture
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You know for all the shit I give you I do respect you as a poet and this poem has a feeling of defeat about it.
Don't give up, dear loved, if for no other reason that I love tormenting you so [grins]
Really, you have value and you know I recognise it, even though I am harsh.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

lovedly

Fri, 2015-11-20 13:22

lovedly's picture

I really miss you so
what a poet
would ever I have been
Jess
if you had been so kind
not to kick me

the deserving get the salutations
and
you are Jess above all my hearts palpitations

with out your kicks on my behind
I would have been lost
and last left far behind
in this vast ocean
I call time

not without
any reason or rhyme ...
Jess you are a man so refine
you can alone determine
a diamond out of a god forsaken mine
those who know like me only
I bow to thee
and now once again
you may kick me
for not saying ye
with love from Lovedly

author comment

Geremia

Fri, 2015-11-20 11:08

Geremia's picture

This poem is so well written and filled with genuine pathos. Listen to Jess. He is for me the true voice of reason, What he nay lack in tact, he makes up for in compassion and truth.

joe

lovedly

Fri, 2015-11-20 23:11

lovedly's picture

I regard
you Ian judy jess and stan
now snow man also
at the same level of polevault
you all now know

author comment

lovedly

Fri, 2015-11-20 13:31

lovedly's picture

To Sir with Love
By Lovedly

I really miss you so
What a poet
would ever I have been
Jess
if you had been so kind
not to kick me

The deserving get the salutations
and
you are Jess above all my hearts palpitations

without your kicks on my behind
I would have been lost
and just left far behind
in this vast ocean
I call time

not without
any reason or rhyme...
Jess you are a man so refine
you can alone determine
a diamond out of a god forsaken mine
those who know like me only

I bow to thee
and now once again
you may kick me
for not saying ye
with love from
Lovedly

author comment
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