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Blissful, NOT
Ignoble thought
gnaws at life
numbing first, the heart;
ousting hope, and
razing dreams. Then, inveigles
anarchy into mind;
negating sense,
creativity, and
excellence
Last few words:
Are acrostics meant to be obvious to the reader, or discovered by the reader, or explicitly pointed out to the reader?
Editing stage:
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Comments
jane210660
Mon, 2016-05-16 04:15
Clever - very.
Clever - very.
it flows well and doesn't seem forced by the style, rather that was the shape it would have taken anyway.
Jx
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Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
brittle light
Mon, 2016-05-16 13:00
Jx
It seems I'm not so clever after all...I didn't adhere to the requisite form. (see Judy's comment below)
Oh! well, ....But I am still thrilled by your assessment of the piece, in and of itself.
thank you,
Al
author commentjane210660
Mon, 2016-05-16 13:34
Worry not, I did just the
Worry not, I did just the same with those ******* triolets. Wrote a few, then re read the rules - all of them way off the mark theme wise. Hey ho, now have to write one that fits the criteria and it just won't come. Anyway, never mind the blooming competition, it's damn good as it is.
Jx
------------
Remember we are a workshop site.
Don't forget to offer critique on poems you read.
judyanne
Mon, 2016-05-16 11:11
acrostic
Apparently the skill is in disguising it so that it is not obvious
Also, each line is supposed to be able to stand alone, each one referring to the core theme, but independent from the others....
So
Ignoble thought
gnaws at life
numbing first, the heart;
ousting hope, (and) ..... remove conjunction
razing dreams. ....
- all work
(Then, inveigles).... doesn't refer
anarchy into mind;
negating sense, ...... work
(creativity, and
excellence) ...... each line doesn't, on its own, refer to ignorance
Hope this helps
I like the write regardless
love judy
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
brittle light
Mon, 2016-05-16 12:48
Oh! the sublime irony
Oh! the sublime irony
an acrostic on "ignorance" that flaunted my own
the only thing that could make the situation even more ludicrous is if I had misspelled it.
I won't do that again..(see how quickly I regained my hubris)
that you liked it regardless, helps mitigate my SHAME....
Al
author commentjudyanne
Mon, 2016-05-16 12:58
lol - please don't be disheartened Al
Most people don't follow the classic rules ....
I was really just answering your question re the acrostic, and then continued with a little more information....
You are not ignorant - many acrostics I have read use conjunctions and don't follow the 'thought per line' rule..... lol 'shame' is a bit harsh....
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
brittle light
Mon, 2016-05-16 16:46
I should have used some lol's
I should have used some lol's, a lot of them in my reply! You do know I was just wryly humbling myself. I'm not immune to making mistakes, or misunderstanding, or mental glitches...but I never feel I need to 'save face' because of them.
I was not ashamed. It (my reply) just lacked enough LOL's, and lol's and lmao's.
Your reply to mine made me think you kind of took my "embarrassment" more seriously than it was...unless you were just insufficient in your use of LOL's and lol's and lmao's too!
Al
author commentjudyanne
Tue, 2016-05-17 01:19
I have to admit
I wasn't sure....
I really laughed at (quite hearily, I might add) your 'irony' comment, then had second thoughts and actually was a little worried I'd upset you
Al's well and good I see....(typo intended lol)
xxx
'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)
Geremia
Mon, 2016-05-16 13:43
I loved this poem....shows
I loved this poem....shows your special talent.
joe
brittle light
Mon, 2016-05-16 16:54
Joe
your response is extremely gratifying
thank you,
Al
author commentRula
Mon, 2016-05-16 14:21
acrostic or not
Always good to try something new, isn't it.
❤❤❤❤❤❤
Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=
brittle light
Mon, 2016-05-16 17:01
yes, yes it is!...though one
yes, yes it is!...though one has to be ready for the rough and tumble of the learning curve....and, hopefully, it's worth it in the end.
thanks Rula,
Al
author commentEsker
Mon, 2016-05-16 15:02
pounding out perfection
Too find the weaknesses..
the strengths....
I write my happy sappy writes
and what I like about
yours is the straight from the
hip wittiness...
I have close friends like this
the false have come
and gone
their fear
pretending
I didnt know I was
real
till of late
and thrown under the
bus has been
its own learning
thing....
bouncing back
like a wolf
a fox
has been
a caveat
like this poem
thank U !
brittle light
Mon, 2016-05-16 17:25
happy sappy writes?
happy sappy writes?
happy, I can fathom from your works
sappy? that does not compute
real is so hard to codify
it comes in so many guises
goofy, or hard assed, or coy, or biting, or raw blitherings.
you know it when you see it. some do anyway ...some don't.
some entertainment stuff can bounce around a bit...real, to where ever, and back again to nowhere if it wants.
of what bus being throw under are you speaking, if that is not too personal?
glad you stopped by,
Al
author commentEsker
Tue, 2016-05-17 11:19
usual bus
before the thick enough skin
I was temporal mental
now I can let a few things
go..
slept..feeling better today
library...always a blast
here
more alive then the basement
where I do the usual writing
although its nice and new
dry clean organized..
sugary
maybe thats the word I was
looking for
..
at either rate I do like
how you can just
hit the nail on the head
and speak as U do
in your poetry
Thank U!
brittle light
Tue, 2016-05-17 14:03
I once worked for a short
I once worked for a short period subcontracting at IBM, tracing old faded blueprints.
The people and place were so clean and nice, sugary sweet, and they treated me so kindly. But I, being young and dumb thought it would effect my 'cool' and left, rather being jobless than 'nice-ified... If you ever leave the library, I hope it is for other reasons than 'sugary' overload. Nice is not bad, nor contagious, it's just work- place normal.
thanks for pointing out the qualities you like in my writing. It will help to keep me on track
until next,
Al
author commentEsker
Tue, 2016-05-17 16:54
Double cappucino One brown sugar
or was it expresso..
sugar is a must apparently
something about barely surviving
that haunts creativity
sometimes
listening to some music
REQUIMe FOR A DREAM & IAMX "simple girl"
the movie I loved...Elizabeth...
and the strange surrealness..
I lived....
cant say in it..
lived within its outskirts..
No thats not it either...
was thinking about Joy Divisions Ian Curtis
who said he loved working in the factory
because he could think music or dream
or something like that all day....
scratching
no...stirring thoughts today..
I WAS at Twiggs...the only one brave enough
to be on the little patio...cold windy....UK weather
or our east coast! damned chilly...
taking time to walk to the curb for a cig!
the hot shot lawyers in town in the corvette
nice though....
there is something about the library
and its squishy faux leather chairs
and beautiful and simple people
sitting there like the doctors office
the tall windows with tree like a
country cottage....
old faded blueprints
like the etching of electronics
before cad came in
funny how the gaming came
from the use of high technology
my Lady loved pin ball
in her mining town
and pool
the skinny mink with
towering eighties hair
(sixties had their bee hive)
or fifties...
watching TWILIGHT ZONE
and BATES MOTEL
feeling quite at home
in my old faded room
quiet as a ghost ship
deck..
tracing dreams in my
sleep..
like the metaphors
and descripts
Like your thinking..
will lend more of mine
later!
thank U