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A Blind Heart's Truth

A heart laden with hatred
can see nothing even in the brightest of light
for prejudice is darker than the moonless night

Style / type: 
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

Short and sweet. The title describes the poem perfectly. Very philosophical.

I also like the brevity and unobtrusive rhyme. Something you can consider is changing "presence of" to brightest. ........stan

now it sounds much better...

Alid

author comment

'A heart laden with
hatred
can see nothing
even in the presence
of light
for prejudice
is darker
than the moonless
night'

I liked the simple elegance of this piece...excuse me playing with the structure to emphasise certain words for effect.

Namaste, Ellie :)

what is namaste? does it mean regards? I've heard it somewhere but I don't think its in English.well , just for the fun of it i'll say " terima kaseh banyak- banyak". in my language (Malay) that means "thank you very much", learning new language is fun to me..

author comment

Namaste...."peace"

Sort of New Age/Bhuddist

Very true.
I liked for their brevity, but don't let Wesley know :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

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why not?

Alid

author comment

is kind of irritated whenever poems shrink. He likes lengthy poems and epics if you want.
Have you read any of his "CACO, Man of the morning star?"

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

not yet,,, actually I'm refraining from writing long poems now and then because of family commitments which always make me somewhat in a rush, i don't know how to express my ideas without them coming out as prose and at times I feel like I'm not that good to write with my grammar and vocab being so limited. I need to get a new thesaurus but with my tight budget, it will take awhile to save up for it..for now i'm going with my priorities and that means family comes first. I do have a lot of ideas but its putting them into words that is difficult....

Alid

author comment

A heart with hatred
can see nothing in bright light
prejudice is dark

hope you like it.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

aren't haiku supposed to be connected to nature? what is the difference between haiku and seiyu?

Alid

author comment

and senryu are to do do with foibles of human nature, often satirical. However the forms are no longer strict. Even the the five/seven/five syllables lines are no longer strict.
I merely offered it as another way of looking at your poem in an even more succinct form,

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

got you.

Alid

author comment
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