Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Blasphemy

You tell me I am godless,
But I have more gods than you,
You say I am a sinner,
But its your foot in that shoe.

You claim I have no faith,
Yet everything is sacred,
You label me a satyr,
But its your love that is tainted,

Then you call me heretic,
Apostate and blasphemer,
As you hate within your empty church
Pretending you’re a believer.

But that darkness in your heart
Does not exist in mine,
And while you rage at my beliefs
You only make them shine.

For in the end of all
My temple’s always with me,
In forest, river, wind and earth
In soaring bird and sacred sea,

And if you think I have no church
Then you should look again;
I hold my church within my heart,
As warm as summer rain.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage: 

Comments

I'd say perfect but for the second last line, it took me three or four reads not to stumble. I think i would go for( for i hold my church within my heart ) or (for i hold my church within, in my heart) but then again once i got it i got it so to speak. Hope this made sense. Regards Roscoe..

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

You're right as usual, that line was off, so I edited accordingly, and made a few other minor changes. in words and punctuation.
Thanks again my friend.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

the rhythm needs a tidy in places. not much though.

Simon

I'm a free verse poet in the main, rhyme is a little bit difficult for me. I'll revisit and edit when I can.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

is no issue to me if the rhythm has a constant flow

A truth?
A very good flow of how you can be, without hypocrisy.
I have a church and temple similar to that, and they are never empty or sad, never wanting.
I know sometimes I get boring talking of the spirit children that walk with me and their teachers that are on call if needed, but they are there and that's that.
We sent them a few things independently and the children confirm that they have the things we send.
But it is a long story but a beautiful one, from the play place they have to the serious things they do there are many things we still need to learn of.
I may drop into your Temple one day but you have to leave the door open, pop round to my cave and have a cup of tea,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Too many I know have decided that that which I believe in is wrong, and I pity them because the exact opposite is true; they have no experience of deity because the places where they expect to find it are hollow empty shells devoid of Grace, made that way by greed, lack of care, blind obedience, narrow self-interest and downright hatred. For those who recognize this, they find solace and reconnection in the very same places I have always found them; forest, rivers, prairies and deserts, where The Maker still resides, where She waits patiently for those who desire to know Her.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

Yes I suppose there is a truth in everyone's beliefs, it is told and I am sure that it is true from my friends, that whatever you believe in that is good, and that doesn't hurt even the lowliest of creatures, is OK in the way of all things.
This probably means that those of all religions no matter what it is, they will, if they are basically good to all they meet and deal with, this will be their reward.
If you believe in Angels and a God and you live your life in a good way then your Spirit can only be enhanced.
You refer to your God as a female not sure what you follow but always remember that it is what you do and the good you do in your life.
That is all there is to it, the better you are the higher in that eventual Spirit world you will be, and it is a self judging place, before you take your final place there.
My cave will be there and my friends will be there and I will be able to help them with their tasks of rescuing children that have become lost in transition.
After nearly 200 hours of talking to them and listening to what they do where there is no time and everyone you knew is there also, can't really think of a better place to return to, Yours as always Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

last line...for me its like law..arguing a case..in my head..
always had to do this at home...parents were like judges
tearing your story apart..dismissing it a lot

to me the forest is profane and pure...no humanity
to excess in there.....the spiritual power enormous
after a few minutes or hour in my little wood
nearby...paths..cyclists..walkers..runners..always
seeing or hearing others about up there....
still....its been saving my ass lately..
Although I havent gone in almost two months..

I very much like the rime...I cant spell ryhymn
for the life of me...its a block..not sure why..
a great poem on a Monday Morning..

Thank You!

yeah, its the forest that really does it for me too; our species has until recently looked at forests as mysterious, often evil places, but the truth is that the woods are the best place to recharge one's spiritual batteries, as it were.
Myself, I seek out those places where others don't go; the oak savannahs and woods isolated by surrounding farm fields that others do not ever go to. Suits me just fine!

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

And if you think I have no church
Then you should look again;
I hold my church within in my heart,
As warm as summer rain.

Powerful and filled with Truth, I loved this poem: form an content, I think the last stanza may read better by eliminating ""in my heart"" Either way, it read beautifully

joe

Oops.
I got rid of that "in" in the last verse, it wasn't supposed to be there! I started with "in", then I changed it to "within", but never took the "in" out, if you get my drift!
Thanks for your enjoyment, my friend.

Respectfully, Jim

"Laws and Rules don't kill freedom: narrow-minded intolerance does" - Race-9togo

http://www.lulu.com/spotlight/Race_9togo

author comment

sounds like a boats name..or a club...
clutch depressed and rolling to a stop
be you handle shift
stick shift
three on the tree
vespa three speed

fresh off the trail with ideas
and stories
stretch and take in the scene

(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.