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A Blacksmith's Boy ~ A Ballad

One sunny springtime morning
I met her on a fair day.
I saw her from a distance
Out strolling on the fair way.

As like a springtime morning
She filled the air with joy...
She was a rose of England
And I a blacksmith's boy.


I heard that she was singing
As I maundered ever near;
The sweetest charming plainsong
Sent softly to my ear.

As like a springtime morning
She filled the air with joy...
She was a rose of England
And I a Blacksmith's boy.

She had the rareset countenance,
She had the fairest flowing hair;
She looked the grandest lady
Ethereal beyond compare.

As like a springtime morning
She filled the air with joy...
She was a rose of England
And I a blacksmith's boy.


She was a rose of this fair land,
The flower of Saint George,
But I my master's vassal,
A servant of the forge.

So like a springtime morning
She filled my heart with joy...
She, a rose of England
Whilst I a blacksmith's boy.
 
 

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I love this piece I am sure there is music to go along with the words

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

It would be easy to find the music to accompany this. That is what ballads were originally, songs. A ballad has a 'beat' and an easy rhythm carrying it along.
This tells a short story and the reader works out for themselves what is going on.
Thanks for looking in and commenting Chrys.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
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author comment

Love it, and I agree, there must be music for it. Anybody in your family a musician? I'd only remove the "true", is it necessary?
Enjoyed.

*
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The Poetry of the Earth is never Dead. John Keats.

Gracy. I think that you are right about 'true' It's true that it is one syllable too many. So good idea.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

I also like your poem; however, in the second line the "a" feels a bit redundant to me. "One sunny springtime morning//I met her on a fair day." You have already said that it was a sunny springtime morning, therefore the reader knows it was a fair day Here is a simple solution:

'One sunny springtime morning
I met her on that fair day.' (Replace the a with "that" )??
Jerry

something to consider. I have to keep the word 'fair' though, as this being a ballad it is down to the reader whether it is read as an adjective or a noun. A fair day may mean a fine day or a day when the fair is held. Here in Olde England a fair was a market as in 'She moved through the Fair'. 'Are you going to Scarborough fair?' Does it mean going to fair Scarborough or to a fair in Scarborough? Ballads should be a little teasing I think.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment

The ballad of the Blacksmith's Boy. I know it well.
How about: I met her on that wonderous day? You have too many [fairs] in close proximity. [palest, reddest, blondest,] etc. will do just as nicely. ~ Geezer.
.

Come to Chat on the Darkside
every other Saturday night 8pm to ?
Bring your dark and delicious work
to show.

Thanks for reading this poem. The copious use of 'fair' though is deliberate. You are allowed to do as you please (up to a point) when balladeering. In this case at least one of the 'fairs' may be taken as a noun and not an adjective (please see Jerry's kind comment). The story that ( I hope) it tells is that of a poor blacksmith's apprentice and a grand lady whom he admires. The accent on fair can also be taken as a sarcastic use of unfair (adjective) and how unfair life is. Everything in the story is fair other than the outcome.
You are quite right though. It is not usually good practice to repeat words.

.......................................
Critique is a compliment
Kind regards, Alan
.......................................

author comment
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