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Blackbird

Submitted by docmaverick on Fri, 2012-05-18 14:19

Hey, Blackbird! Do you finally get the gist?
Are you ready to cut your wrist?
Or do you still think you're in control?

I'm sorry. But, it's too late to say you're missed.
Remember when we finally kissed?
Oh! How we thought we'd made the roll!

Let's face it. You'll forever be on my list.
I did enjoy our little tryst...
...."to continue" is what I wished, and missed.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

Ian.T

Mon, 2012-05-28 02:52

Ian.T's picture
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This needs more of the story, to bring it into an eye catching piece, I missed the theme here some place can you come back on this one,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

docmaverick

Mon, 2012-05-28 07:13

docmaverick's picture

...it was merely a sort of "rant" after my last break-up; but I thought I'd see what anyone thought about my rhyme scheme, in this one.
It was personal,
doc.

Neopoet is "newtriffic" !
...from the heart, or a reasonable faxcimile;
david a. goodwin #{:>{)} @==

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