Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Black Widow - (Revised)

[First few words- This revised version of my maiden attempt at Sonnet is largely due to the help, guidance and patience of both Judyanne & Rula]

The sky was not about to cave on me
perhaps the daemons just had luck to -day
it wasn’t me that day, I have to say
so was it me, or was, perhaps, it she

she gave to me these wings, I’d none before
a lonely heart which knew not how to fly
she tugged the strings ‘til I could soar so high
then set me free, to dump me off her shore

Her nubile looks enticed me such that day
a fish on tethered hook, caught by her bait
she had her thrill, her will, ‘til she’d her fill
She charmed her way, I truly thought she’d stay
she had me wrong, was gone, once lust she’d sate
a wimpish grin - a bitch beguiles her kill

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Editing stage: 

Comments

I still have faith in you to produce a sonnet one day. It is not a rocket science. Now this resembles the Italian sonnet only in the number of the lines and the rhyme scheme of the octave.
But seriously this was as usual an enjoyable read. It was even great to see you trying to stretch and extend the lines and write a bit out of your comfort zone.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Thanks for finding time for dropping by when you have a lot served out on your plate in the Sonnet WS. Good to know that at least I got the number of lines and rhyme sequence right. However I am missing your critique on areas of improvement or some of the stuff not meeting the strict regimen...Be harsh...i know your intention would be good when you would do that..

Regards...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Rhyme scheme followed well

As for the meter -
it WAS-nt as if the SKY was CAV -ing on ME --12 syllables
it MAY BE it was JUST the DAEM -ons HAV -ing a GOOD DAY -14 syllables
it JUST WAS-nt ME that DAY, is all i COULD SAY - 12 syllables
WHAT WAS it then? COULD it BE ME, or COULD it BE SHE 13 syllables

A foot in iambic meter consists of two syllables
and the meter runs:
unstressed syllable- stressed syllable | unstressed syllable - stressed syllable .. and so on
- think of dancing or, better yet, walking - heel TOE | heel TOE | heel TOE | heel TOE | heel TOE

pentameter is a line with 5 feet
So iambic pentameter is a line with 5 feet, each foot having 2 syllables with the stress as above

So
the Sky | was NOT | a-BOUT | to CAVE | on ME
per -HAPS | the DAEM | ons JUST | had LUCK | to -DAY
it WAS | -nt ME | that DAY | i HAVE | to SAY
so WAS | it ME | or WAS | per -HAPS | it SHE

does this help raj?
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I am reminded of the proverbial saying --"experience is a tough teacher, she tests you first then gives you lessons"....i confirm that without any doubt both you n Rula are tough teachers ...lol..

it will take me a while to absorb all that you two have said about the meters..the lengths...the lambs....i hope by the time I learn all those the poem is not lost...

having said that...i truly appreciate the troubles you both are taking to help me out...so i have no option but to keep on trying till you both give me a thump on my back...

for now let me catch my breath....

regards..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I will be with you step by step. I recommend that you write one stanza in iambic pentameter. If you can do it, then you're done. You have enough control on the rhyme scheme .
Can you do it?

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Thanks a million for being around in Teacher's mode. Please read the queries I just posted (below) for Judyanne...same apply to you too...

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

From what you have said, let me know if I figured it out correctly

a Each of the two quatrains should have four lines
b.2 Syllables make a foot and 5 feet make a meter (though that may not be arithmetically right)
c. Each line should be a meter long

Still i dunno

A. how to figure out a stressed and un stressed syllable?
B. Is there a rule defining how many of them in each line (meter)?
C. Does the Sestet follow the same rules? (thankfully i am good on the rhyme sequence)

Me losing even more hair scratching my head ..lol..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

But sometimes things sink in if they are re-iterated in a different way..
I hope I'm not tredding on your toes rula

Question a) - that is what a quatrain is raj - 4 lines (the correct term for a line is verse)

A stanza is a series of lines (verses)
A stanza with two lines (verses) is called a couplet
with three lines (verses) - a triplet
with 4 lines(verses) - a quatrain....
...and so on
A sestet (or sextet) has 6 lines (verses)

b) meter is simply the rhythm - the separating of a work into parts of equal time value
There are different meters - do you have any music knowledge? Know how there is two time, three time (waltz), four time etc., in regards to how many beats to the bar? So as with poetry

The measurement for the separation of words into parts of equal time in poetry, is called a foot - the poetry version of the musical bar...
there can be two or three syllables to a foot
When there are two syllables to a foot, and they are expressed as unstressed/stressed, it is called iambic meter

(There is a format that has two syllables to a foot whose stresses are reversed (stresses/unstressed) ...this is called trochiac
There are other meters with three syllables to a foot... also stressed in different ways, and so on. But for now, you only need to know that there are different types of meter)

We are concentrating on iambic...

a verse (line) can be made up of any number of feet
A verse (line) with 1 foot is called a momometer
A verse (line) with 2 feet is called a dimeter
...3 -trimeter, .... 4 - tetrameter ....5 - pentameter....

That is how we get iambic pentameter
- a verse (line) equally divided into 5 parts (feet), - penta (five feet) meter (measurement)
each part (foot) containing two syllables in unstressed/stressed order - iambic

Now - stressed and unstressed - its the sound you give a word in speech
GOOD-bye
hel-LOW
the LITT-le OAK TREE is BLOOM-ing
you should be able to hear it ... and when you have trouble, as rula says, the dictionary will tell you how a word Is stressed

Hope this clears some of the fog for you
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Don't laugh...this is my practice version..

MATters not| CALling me| a DUde
WEaring pants|WOrn out|PREtty cool
TAtooed Chest|broad Biceps|COlor full
PLAYgirl Mag|SPOTTed me| posing SEMInude

is this good enough and conforming to the strict rules of the sonnet?

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Syllables per foot, not words
Matt-ers NOT ...3 syllables
CALL-ing ME ...3 syllables
Etc

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I am getting lost totally in all the jargon about foot..meter...syllables et. al...too tough for me to handle me thinks...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

If you go through the main thread discussion, all your questions are fully answered. I have posted this morning everything you need about stressed unstressed words.
Then you have the dictionary. Each word has a subscription shows which syllable is and which isn't.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

'today' is a word
it has 2 syllables.... to -day

When you say the word, the syllable 'to' is soft and the syllable 'day' is emphasised ...
to - DAY ...thus we say it has an unstressed syllable, followed by a stressed syllable
We call this an iamb

if we put 5 'todays' on a line, we would have 5 iambs
We call this iambic pentameter
to DAY | to DAY| to DAY | to DAY | to DAY

- each 'today' becomes a foot

any clearer?
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

What a great attempt - you are doing well, it's not easy to do. Judy! you are really good at making things clear and understandable.

Great job both of you! :)

Love Mand xxxx

What re you doing here? were you not supposed to be busy?...lol...anyways thanks for peeping in and leaving an encouraging comment..

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

thought I'd pop in and take a peek at everyone's work. Glad I did too. :) xx Lol

i was just joking...you are most welcome to keep peekaboo from time to time...

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

for your patience in mentoring me about these fundamental elements related to Sonnet. Highly appreciated.

I have now understood stressed and unstressed syllable. Just to make it doubly sure, I have a few queries:-
1. in the example provided by you of to-DAY, "to" is an unstressed syllable while DAY is stressed. Is that right?
2. Is the first part of a two syllable word always considered as unstressed and the one that follows Stressed?
3. In a sonnet, are all lines supposed to have the same syllable count or is it different for the quadrain and sestet?
4. other than the two syllabled words, is there a restriction on use of single monosyllable words in a line or iambic pentameter?

I hope you are not upset by my continuing to raise more questions.

Regards and thanks,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

1. Yes
2. No - they are all different 2, 3 ,4 and more syllable words can begin either stressed or unstressed - if you can't hear it when you say it out loud, check the dictionary...it tells you how a word is stressed

3. A sonnet always has 10 syllables written in iambic pentameter
sonnets are 14 verses (lines) long
The format for them differs and that is why Rula is saying the Petrarchan is made up of two quatrains and a sextet

The Elizabethan is made up of three quatrains and a couplet....

So as to your question, in this particular case the quatrain and the sextet need to be in iambic pentameter as you are formulating a sonnet

you can write a poem - you have been writing poems, that are quatrains (definition - a stanza of four lines) and sextets (definition - a stanza with six lines) . They stand on their own as poems (and don't have to be a specific meter, unless expressed as so)

A sonnet is just a type of poem that uses particular type stanzas, and insists they rhyme in a particular way and uses iambic pentameter

4. There is no restriction on any amount of syllables in a word ... 1 to 10 (lol - if you can find one) so long as the line of words follows the unstressed/stressed pattern

I hope this answers you
Please ... ask as many questions as you like
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

It is amazing that even late in the night as must be there right now you find time to respond to my queries...

I have 2 more questions / requests for now

1. can you give me 1 example each of words stressed-unstressed and unstressed - stressed syllables
2. in an iambic pentameter is it necessary that each 2 syllable word in the verse should always be stressed-unstressed or unstressed-stressed or even a combination of them would do?

you may answer them when you wake up...cuz i don't want you to have stressed-unstressed sleep ..lol..by the way in SNO-ring or sno-RING which is stressed and which unstressed?

much love...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

1. SOMEwhere
.... aWARE

2. since the word you use will have to follow the iambic pattern, it would have to be either stressed/ unstressed or unstressed/ stressed, dependent on where in the line the word is placed

eg i KNOW | that SOME | - where SOME | -one WAITS | for ME
..... i WISH | to BE | a - WARE | of WHAT | they SAY

and you are more than welcome raj - always happy to assist where i can
XXX

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Do you sleep talk Judyanne? else how am i getting your tips at what could be around 4.30 aussie time...

I cant thank you enough....in fact now I am compelled to give the sonNET a good try..

now get back to snoRING will ya? lol..xxxx,,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

it's ONE THIR-ty A-m HERE - NOT so LATE - but i WILL be SNORing SOON...

great to see you enthused – you have the talent to write a great SONN-et
xxx

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

you are an ama-MAZING girl, sleep talkING of soNNETS eVEN while snoRING..lol

reGARDS,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

DOing GREAT ! BOTH of YOU GUYS. :)

THANKS to JUdyANNE.... lol

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

thanks for pushing me hard to get at least close to the sonnet norms.

how about this for the first two imbic verses?

In moonLIGHT your silHOUTTE in the doorWAY cast no shaDOW, just mesMERIC
sight, capTURED in byGONE dreams of naSCENT moon, held capTIVE in eterNITY

(12 words, in two 5 imbic verses)

would this do?

anxiously,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

that you are supposed to have 12 words
we count SYLLABLES not words... AND we should only have TEN of them in each verse of pentameter

as for your iambic
as rula says, you have it back to front – unstressed is in lowercase, stressed in uppercase... ( to-DAY )

as for the iambic meter of your verses – that are WAY - lol - too long to be pentameter (remember – FIVE FEET – ‘feet’ being a bar of TWO syllables?) 5 times 2 is ten... ten SYLLABLES
easy fix – you have four verses, not two, and only 1 and 3 are pentameter - 2 and 4 are a foot and half a foot short repectively)

MOON-light | your SIL - | hou –ETTE | in the | DOOR -way

CAST no | SHA –dow | JUST MES | -mer -IC

SIGHT CAP | -tured in | BY -gone | DREAMS of | NAS -cent |

MOON HELD | CAP -tive | in e | -TERN –it | -Y

The write has been divided up into sections (these bars | .. | are the FEET)
– each FOOT contains two syllables

Remember we want iambic pentameter (definition: five feet containing two syllables in unstressed/ stressed pattern)

How many | lower UPPER | do you see within each bar containing two syllables?

I've parsed the first stanza of the sonnet I put into this WS, so you can see what it is supposed to look like - I hope it helps.

the BUSH | -fire SEA | -son BLAZ | -es EVE | -ry YEAR

as SUM | -mer HEAT | ig -NITES | the TIND | -er FRAME

of OLD | and DRIED | -out TREES | and SHRUB |to CLAIM

Aus –TRAL | -ia’s OUT | -back CREAT | -ures’ GREAT | -est FEAR

Keep trying – i know you will get it
It will just suddenly ‘click’
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Remember:

the UPPER CASE refers to the STRESSED SYLLABLE while the lower case refers to the UNSTRESSED

In Moon | light your |SolHou | TTE in | the DOOR |way CAST|no SHA|dow, just mesMER| ic SIGHT, CAP| ture in | BIgone| DREAMS of |NAscent |MOON, HELD |CAPtive| in E |terNI| ty

Hope this helps a bit

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

In Moon | (this is one foot) this is Iamb pentameter
light your | (foot No. 2) NOT an iamb because both syllables are unstressed
SolHou | (foot No. 3) NOT an iamb because the first is stressed and the second is unstressed while it should by the other way around (unstressed-STRESSED)
TTE in| foot No. 4 NOT an iamb because it is (stressed -unstressed)
the DOOR | foot No. 5. this is a perfect iamb because it is (unstressed- stressed)

These five feet on one line should be (unstressed-STRESSED) to make one line called iambic pentameter.

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

If YOU / get STRESSED / you MIGHT / ex PLODE / so TAKE / it EAS / y.

Phew! Don't give up - you'll get there. :)

Love Mand xxx

I didnt explode as you thought...i just got dis integrated..trying..trying and trying and the beuty is not getting better with each try but going from bad to worse...thanks for the encouragement though..

much love..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

In fact i had sent only two lines which showed as four.

Noted that I got it ALL WRONG and confused...

It is tru Judyanne had never mentioned to me that each line has to be 12 words. I mentioned them in parenthesis just to make sure that each line has SAME Number of words. They happen to be 12 in those 2 lines that's all

My confusion now is being not sure how to use only stressed and unstressed syllables without using any other mono syllable words to construct a verse (line). If that is the case i will never be able to write anything leave alone a sonnet.

I am coming more and more to the conclusion that this style of poetry is just not for me. Boy! so many rules...besides not knowing how to find out which one is unstressed or stressed syllable...then matching the abba sequence for each quadrain...gosh...my admiration for the likes of you who are able to do all that has grown leaps and bounds...

I cant thank you enough for all the trouble you two have taken and your patience with me.

warmest regards and respects,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

I'm sorry - you have the wrong impression

You can use as many mono-syllable words as you wish
As long as you remember to sequence them in iambic

My above example from my sonnet, that i used to show you iambic has all monosyllable words in the third verse
of OLD | and DRIED | out TREES | and SHRUBS | to CLAIM

If you can't tell by your ear if a word is stressed or unstressed - check the dictionary
the more you practice the rhythm, the easier it will come in time
Down the track you'll be laughing at how hard you thought this
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

to me now writing a sonnet is like jewellery work where each piece (word) is to be measured for size, color, shape,,,then arranging them in neat rows so that the last gem of the first row accurately matches the one in the 4th row and so too it has to be in row numbers 2 & 3...then make 4 more rows and then 6 more and if one is lucky or an expert it meets the appreciative eye of a connoisseur...if not it is just cast aside...too tough for an amateur like me...

so much so that In the line below mentioned by you I now cant find any 2 syllable words. if the capital words are supposed to be 2 syllable words...they SOUND to my ear monosyllable which surely must not be the case...but that's how it really is with me..my ear and everything else when it comes to writing a sonnet..

of OLD | and DRIED | out TREES | and SHRUBS | to CLAIM

the only take away is that i did give it a mighty try...

respectfully,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

that since you have posted the great iambic pentameter below, that you have figured out that, yes, all the words in that verse 'the old and dried out trees and shrubs to claim', are all monosyllable words... and that the capital letters denotes a stressed word...
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I KNOW| not HEAD| or TAIL| aBOUT| soNETT
too TOUGH| so NOT|at ALL|my CUP| of TEA
I TRIED|but GOT|no WHERE|but ALL|at SEA
be IT|rhyME|or STRESS| quadRAIN|sesTET

A THING| or TWO| I KNOW| someHOW| will SPARK
a FIRE| wiTHIN| the SPACE| beTWEEN| my EARS
easING| burDEN| or STRESS| eVEN| the FEARS
to SET| mySELF| free FROM| my CELL| bleak DARK

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

almost perfect
i am so proud of you
verses 2 and 3 are perfect iambic (((clapping madly)))

verse one has only the one foot out - SONNet (and i have been correcting you on that all the way through our conversations (((smile))) - look back and see...)

verse 4 third foot is correct - i think the first foot is stressed as -- | BE it |
rhyme is only one syllable
and QUAT-rain and SES-tet have emphasis on the first syllable

awesome!! (((yay Raj)))
don't give up now - you're nearly there - and practice makes perfect

love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Yeah!

You're off only in two places

SONet

RHYME....is one syllable

Congts. Man!!

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Oh yeh! high five!!!

quatrain .... QUAtrain
Sestet....SEStet

Just saw the line

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

Were you | spyING| while I was trying the one which i just posted above...i men the two supposed to be quadrains? I thought no one was watching...lol..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

are we clear....?
talk about cross-connection
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

I am booking you three for spying..lol...i need to report this to Andrew and find out how others can watch while I am actively in writing mode...thank God I was just writing ...lol...

fun apart...i thank you for your quick comment ..good to know i got at least 2 out of 8 verses right...i guess that is enough tonic to get me going and get into fix n tweak mode..

gratefully,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Wierd
Anyway
YEA RAJ YEA!!!

Verses five and six - ALL-most PER-fect ... SOME-how not some-HOW

Verse 7 - EAS-ing , BUR -den , E-ven

and verse 8 - MY-self , FREE from , BLEAK HEART

awesome !!!
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

thanks for peekabooing again....let's say I am in my tweaking tools sharpening mode...thanks for picking out pieces which would need the tweaking n sharpening and then polishing...

however, after climbing the two quadrain hills the tough portion is to climb the sestet mountain...me not looking there as yet...lol...one step at a time for now....

much love xxxx..

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

It can be divided into different sections
You can write it as couplets or triplets in Rula's workshop
and there are other ways...
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

After suggesting that you re -read our conversations through, I thought that I might just browse them..

I am so sorry - no wonder you were a bit confused. There were a couple of places in there that I had the upper and lower cases, to indicate the stress emphasis, around the wrong way. Only a couple, but it would have been enough to confuse you.

I have gone through and edited - they should be correct now

Heartfelt apologies again
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

please..please do not apologize....i truly admire your mentoring me through this learning process about sonnet and for your constant encouragement without which and also Rula's encouragement i wouldn't have got to where i am now w.r.t. understanding a lot more about sonnet....i actually have no words to express my gratitude for all you have done and your patience which is truly remarkable..

much love xxxxx...

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

i hope you are concentrating on this new write you are doing, about sonnets, and were not worrying too much about this one, 'cos i've done something bad...I have edited your original write ...

I had to choose two new words for you - 'regales' and 'truly' -to fit the meter, but on the whole, this is your write with some words removed and only a few re-arranged...

you know - by chopping off words and changing and rearranging very little, mostly to get the line length correct, once superfluous words were removed the iambic was there ... so I think that is proof of something I’ve always known – you are a natural

so here it is –

the sky was not about to cave on me
perhaps the daemons just had luck to -day
it wasn’t me that day, I have to say
so was it me, or was, perhaps, it she

she gave to me these wings, I’d none before
a lonely heart which knew not how to fly
she tugged the strings ‘til I could soar so high
then set me free, to dump me off her shore

Her nubile looks, they had me hooked that day
a fish on tethered hook, caught by her bait
she had her thrill, her will, ‘til she’d her fill
She charmed her way, I truly thought she’d stay
she had me wrong was gone, once lust she’d sate
a wimpish grin - a bitch beguiles her kill

i love your poem Raj, and the only crit i have is that you've used the words 'hooked', and 'hook' very close together in the sextet... perhaps you might like to choose another word for one of them (keeping unstressed/stressed in mind) (((smiles)))
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

wow!! how wonderful of you to polish my attempted sonnet...so much so that I can't now believe i wrote it....i appreciate your comment about repeating hooked and hook closely and will certainly work on that...keeping the stressed and unstressed syllable sequence in mind... good to know you liked the poem and i suppose it's theme too...

warm regards

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

A great joint effort with judyanne indeed. I can't forget her patience with me the first time I've been to the site. I can't deny her effort in teaching many tricks that come gradually with practice.
Thanks for both of you. I also applaud Khalid's great job.
You're cool guys. I'll sure have sweet dreams tonight. :)

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Follow me
www.instgram.com/rularules1

I have already mentioned in the first few lines my gratitude to both you and Rula. Without the encouragement from both of you and positive inputs I wouldn't have been able to make as much progress as I have thus far with the Sonnet form of poetry. From the comment of Judyanne, I have yet to get my first attempt absolutely right.

Warm regards and thanks,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

her NUB | -ile LOOKS | HAD me | en - TICED |that DAY
Great use of 'enticed', but with your edit you have inadvertently altered the iamb in the previous foot - I'll leave it to you to play with

and, now you're feeling better re these - maybe think about adding it to the WS ??
you only have to hit the WS button while in edit...
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Thanks for the visit and your continued patience and comments which are very much appreciated. Yesterday night I was feeling good that finally i could successfully complete my first sonnet. Now i know i was wrong and counted my chickens too early. I will work on the count again and will look forward to your confirmation whenever you can to finally heave a big sigh of relief.

As for putting this in WS, i won't be able to do that. This is because for valid reasons I have decided not to actively participate in any WS until such time I can commit enough time to post something and comment too.

Warm regards xxx

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

her NUB | -ile LOOKS | HAD me | en - TICED |that DAY

her NUB | -ile LOOKS | en - TICED |me SUCH |that DAY

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

Perfect count
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Got the edit done.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

The only thing wrong now is one rhyme
I am only saying this to just point the rule out -- I don't want you to worry, as it is not important, as you are concentrating on iambic, not rhyme

'before' and 'shore'
be-fore / shore
One is two syllables and the other only one
Although it is rhyme, and generally ok in most poetry, it is what is called a 'weak rhyme'

a sonnet expects 'perfect' rhyme
ie: a one syllable word should be paired with another one syllable word, a two syllable word should be paired with another two syllable word, and so on...

Just letting you know, as I said, please don't try and change it

another clap on the back as I go
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

Let's see you take the above two stanzas you have written about how hard it is to write a sonnet, fix the incorrect iambs, and make it the first part of a Petrarchan sonnet

your sextet, which is your solution to the problem of your first two stanzas, can tell us all what we can do with our sonnets lol

I think it would work well, I look forward to your next attempt maybe?
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

for pointing out the rhyme error in second quatrain. I will work on it tonight and hopefully get it right. I said "hopefully" because i can now see it is not as easy as it sounds because if I change monosyllable to two syllable or vice verse it is going to change the foot...lol..

Please let me know anything more i need to fix.

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment

It's a minor thing...and we've been concentrating on your iambic - rhyme is no trouble for you...

I think I'd rather see you write another
You already have the first two quatrains to work on in sorting the iambic - complaining of the difficulties of writing a sonnet
Once you've sorted the rhythm of

i KNOW | not HEAD | nor TAIL | a -BOUT |SONN -et
too TOUGH | so NOT |at all | my CUP | of TEA
i TRIED | but GOT | NO -where | but all |at SEA
be it | RHYME, or | STRESS , QUAT | -rain SES | -tet

a THING | or TWO | i KNOW | SOME -how | will SPARK
a FIRE | WITH -in | the SPACE | Be TWEEN |my EARS
EAS -ing | BURD -den | or STRESS, | EV -en | the FEARS
to SET |my -SELF | FREE from | my CELL | BLEAK DARK

and you'll have to work on the rhyme... you cant use stressed / unstressed at the end of a line, and look, you'll see the rest of the scheme isn't quite correct
abba abba

Once that's done - the sestet is easy .... you just have to say what you'd like to do with sonnets... i can think of a few good places you might like to send them, or things you might want so do with them because of the trouble they've caused you ((smiles))

You will then have a perfect Petrarchan sonnet - a problem (first two quatrains) and a solution (the sestet)

I look forward to you trying it - I hope you will
Love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

i KNOW | not HEAD | nor TAIL | a -BOUT |SONN -et
too TOUGH | so NOT |at all | my CUP | of TEA
i TRIED | but GOT | NO -where | but all |at SEA
be it | RHYME, or | STRESS , QUAT | -rain SES | -tet
Am a bit confused now w.r.t. your comment below these two quatrains

a THING | or TWO | i KNOW | SOME -how | will SPARK
a FIRE | WITH -in | the SPACE | Be TWEEN |my EARS
EAS -ing | BURD -den | or STRESS, | EV -en | the FEARS
to SET |my -SELF | FREE from | my CELL | BLEAK DARK

and you'll have to work on the rhyme... you cant use stressed / unstressed at the end of a line,
correct me if i am wrong ...as i understand

a) an iambic pentameter is is a line of 5 foot, each foot of 2 syllables
b) the sequence to be followed has to be unstressed stressed OR stressed unstressed which should be consistent through and through all the lines of the 2 quatrains

If above is true, why do you say "you cant use stressed / unstressed at the end of a line"..that is the confusing part,

=================================================
and look, you'll see the rest of the scheme isn't quite correct
abba abba

why do you say that when in my opinion i have indeed followed the a(et), b (tea), b (sea).
a(tet) and in the second quatrain a (spark) b(ears) b (fears) a(dark)

Regards,

raj (sublime_ocean)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.