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Black ink
Time, a continuum of broken hearts.
I'd like to see,
thou I shall not see the light.
Every time I ask myself if I would be someone,
a difference.
I know then that sharp,
act won’t be my answer.
I just go back
Back and back
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction):
What did you think of my title?
How was my language use?
What did you think of the rhythm or pattern or pacing?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Is the internal logic consistent?
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Comments
Lavender
Sun, 2022-11-27 09:49
Black Ink
Hello, Jakub,
An emotional piece - rejection and disapproval, perhaps. I am wondering if the third line should begin with "though" instead of "thou" - interpretation may be different. The brevity makes the poem more thought provoking, and title and final line are very strong. This feels like a fleeting thought we all have occasionally, which hopefully does not last too long.
Thank you,
Lavender
Jakub Zoltowski
Tue, 2022-12-27 22:52
It's about my wife
It's not a fleeting thought :)
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