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The Bit (more meter)

The theatre has men who like to pretend
Some force themselves to crack funny short jokes
Others are natural in what they do
I stepped in pretending to be a wolf
An unknown Tiger came to eat me up

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
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Comments

The thea/tre has men/ who like/ to pretend
Some force/ themselves/ to crack/ funny/ short jokes
Others are/ natur/al in/ what they/ do
I stepped/ in pre/tending/ to be/ a wolf
An un/known Tig/er came/ to ate/ me up

For starters I really love this poem, the whimsy with a sense of seriousness.

I found it very difficult to parse. It feels like a real mixture of meters. I'd like others to have a go and see if it comes out differently.

 

 

 

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Honestly, I am learning this thing for the first time. I must have brought a mixture of stressed and unstressed in the piece. From the inputs and comments I have seen the area I need to work on. thank you

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

I have taken off the error and more than that I am still struggling with the things about meter, parsing and the inconsistency in my arrangement. Best wishes.

A rekindled faith - Dancing in the Light

author comment

let me have a go:)

The thea/ tre has men/ who like/ to pre tend
Some force/ them selves/ to crack fun/ny short jokes
Others are/  natural in /what they /do
I stepped/  in pretend/ ing to be/ a wolf
An un/ known Ti/ ger came/ to ate/  me up

This seems right to me, it is my spoken dialect at least. I'm sorry, I'm one of those who pronounces 'na-tchu-ral' as 'na-tchrul', honestly, is that lazy of me? To me, with 3 syllables that line read as weirdelf pointed out:P

after reading this the many times I have, I find it really enjoyable. Personally, it speaks about ones place in the social hierachy of the world stage.

_____________
If I had it my way I'd be up on a mountain. Playing my guitar,
until my calluses grew calluses, my arse a chair and my smile into a halo

Enjoyed the poem. Laste line I think you mean eat not ate
As far as parsing goes I think jess got it right except 2nd line which I read as trochaic instead of iabic. But as alway it depends on how any individual reads it.........stan

to try and make it conform to regular iambic pentameter, just for the sake of the exercise.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

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