Join the Neopoet online poetry workshop and community to improve as a writer, meet fellow poets, and showcase your work. Sign up, submit your poetry, and get started.

Bionomics

Submitted by judyanne on Sat, 2012-08-04 01:15

The verge emblazoned once with brush and trees -
the road to visit childhood - desolate
Encroaching farm undressed the land to seize
the verge emblazoned once with brush and trees
Here ignorance has caused the human species
to clear the land, allow the salt to make
the verge emblazoned once with brush and trees -
the road to visit childhood – desolate
.

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
A triolet is a poem of only eight lines with a rhyme scheme ABaAabAB. It's usually written in iambic tetrameter … I have used pentameter….
Editing stage: 
Editing - rough draft

Comments

BlueDemon77

Sat, 2012-08-04 04:24

BlueDemon77's picture

Hi Judy,
I relate with this poem greatly. Once I leave a place for years and come back, it seems a husk. All the people and the spontaneous, the youth, is gone. I deal with it several times a year when visiting my Dad, when I see that it is all gone. I know that it is gone for me, but very much there for those young who are there now for that cosmic tone and unexpected magic. I'm cool with it. Well written poem, thanks so much Judy!

Ron

Blue Demon77

"What I want is to be what I was before the knife,
before the brooch pin, before the salve, fixed me in this parenthesis:
Horses fluent in the wind. A place, a time gone out of mind."

The Eye Mote-Sylvia Plath

judyanne

Sat, 2012-08-04 05:43

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

yes - one can never go back, and this could be read with that subtext

but the main story is that i went to visit my hometown for its 100th anniversary (we are a young country are we not?) after not having being back for about thirty years... we went out to our old farm, and the verge of the road that used to be thick to the fence-line with trees and bush and wildflower was bare – as a desert.... i was shocked...

it wasn't a purposeful thing - just simple ignorance of clearing in those way past years - they just didn't leave enough trees to maintain the soil... so sad - i nearly cried..

the other day i was looking at a photo I had taken, and this popped out :)

thanks for the great review..
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Ian.T

Sat, 2012-08-04 09:09

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

It is sad that we neglect our old places but we are very lucky in the UK as we usually find more growth and bigger hedges along the old ways..
They have new machines that seem to manicure the highways.
We have a new area here that is going to be a future forest, companies adopt roundabouts and plant things there plus a little advert but the plants are the main thing.
I am glad that I live here in "England's Green and pleasant land"
I would love you to be able to see it, I know the Grand canyon is beautiful and many other things that are so big but I is only little,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

judyanne

Sat, 2012-08-04 23:36

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

the uk hs the advantage of great growing climate
we here in australia have to be very careful how we treat the land methinks

love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Ian.T

Sun, 2012-08-05 04:01

Ian.T's picture
Volunteer badge

Even though this England is full of growing things, it is the change that is hard to take.
I took my son to where I use to roam as a child and the distance had shrunk and the woods were smaller and the changes were so cruel they trid to destroy my childhood world..
I wrote a poem "The Valley" when I was 15, about a place we would go to, it was an old Iron mine dig it had a small to me Lake there and small trees it was a Valley in miniature which fitted into our sizes at that time.
I have Google Maped the area it is just a flat field now and it was such a shock to see what they had done. I looked to my inside and there was the valley as before held forever in my mind, this is where many things go that others seem not to think of as they so called progress.
I think that so much more could be done in Australia it is a beautiful place but world greed and money have taken over reality and compassion.
If only they could see that the money system we have is corrupt and will not last for ever, there will be more value in a cabbage growing in a field than a gold bar in a bank, my love to you all out there, Yours Ian.T

PS:- It is Sunday and the pulpit was empty LOL
Gold is one of the best conductors of electricity we have at the moment and it is stored in stupid secure banks LOL

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

judyanne

Sat, 2012-08-04 23:37

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

for the read and thoughts and kind review
love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

judyanne

Mon, 2012-08-06 11:38

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

thanks so very much for the very kind words
speaking of not remembering a lot of places.... lol - i can't remember yesterday anymore :)
love judy
xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Rula

Sun, 2012-08-05 14:53

Rula's picture
Volunteer badge

is really intriguing (and new for me). and the form just goes hand in hand with your theme Juddy. I might try it one day

❤❤❤❤❤❤

Poetry is when an emotion has found its thought and the thought has found words
........Robert Frost☺

Please follow me on Instagram
https://instagram.com/poetry.jo?igshid=YmMyMTA2M2Y=

judyanne

Mon, 2012-08-06 11:39

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

you should have a go

thanks for the kind words
love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment

Geezer

Sun, 2012-08-05 21:55

Geezer's picture
Volunteer badge

of meter for a theme that has been done and done. It made it feel even more of a lament and I got the idea of it all with far fewer words than one might have. ~ Gee

There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.

judyanne

Mon, 2012-08-06 11:42

judyanne's picture
Volunteer badge

for the very supportive review
so glad to hear you call it a lament... i think it shows that choice of form can make an important difference to a write ...

love judy xxx

'Each for the joy of the working, and each, in his separate star,
shall draw the Thing as he sees It, for the God of Things as They are.'
(Rudyard Kipling)

author comment
(c) Neopoet.com. No copyright is claimed by Neopoet to original member content.