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In Between Worlds

Soon all time will bleed from me
I am torn between age and wisdom
as if I have been crucified by life.
the silence I endure turns me to
wood .

My throat burns with unspeakable
words that tear at my vocal chords
for freedom stretching like prisoners
on exercise.

I have the Mexican curse the
love of death but persistent
vitality which pins me to faith.

In time my hands will bleed,
my veins will burn and my
head turn to night thoughts
that speak themselves as they
escape all control.
.

Review Request (Direction): 
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Comments

I was just reading through tonight but I had to say I think this is an outstanding poem the beginning is wonderful I don't have a lot of time tonight but I will return in a few days with a more thorough comment

kudos

regards Jayne-Chloe

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

This is about where I am at the moment - in mexico Chiapas ( working with the victims of drug exploitation) .I am traveling through the country trying to put together some statistics on the amount of confusion and suffering the people of Mexico are going through but things are tougher than they seem to the outside world and people have lost their ability to speak out.

author comment

I really admire those that are making a difference in the world, through your actions and your poetry change will come, this poem shines in its truth.

Regards JC

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

it speaks itself of "love of death but persistent vitality"

The first stanza, using both crucified and endure pushes the meaning a tad towards a sense of martyrdom, which I feel you don't intend, rather, perhaps to express pain with more emphasis on the cause. Does that make sense to you? It's a subtle shade that could significantly alter the tone of the poem for me.

Impressive first post, I look forward to more.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

The North of Mexico is being transfigured yet all around life continues almost as if the inhalation is a smile and the exhalation is the very last breath of life. They are being crucified yet they endure. I came away from the regions were the gangs are spoken of in shushed codes ,numbers, signs. Yes it's an endurance.
Jimm

author comment

.

loved

I'm no expert at poetry and far from an expert in free verse so I usually just try to not chew on my own feet too much. That being said the second stanza trips me up. The words are all there but it seems the lines are unnaturally divided. As if you are overly concerned that the lengths are at least close to uniform. This leads to unexpected stops in the flow of thoughts.
But this is just an old rhymer's opinion. Welcome to Neopoet.........................stan

all lines are unaturally divided.
Jimm

author comment

Your writing depicts the things you see and feel in Mexico there are many places like the ones you are feeling there.
When these feelings become too big, and make a country aware, then maybe it will be too late to change the ways of the world.
I commend you for the work you do there it is so hard as it is a continuous battle with everything.
A well written piece, full of action, Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

you have no reason to be trolling a newcomer like this. If Billy won't take it to the AC I will.

cheers,
Jess
A new workshop on the most important element of poetry-
'Rhythm and Meter in Poetry'
https://www.neopoet.com/workshop/rhythm-and-meter-poetry

Billy, has been a member on Neopoet for nearly two years:-

Pen name: billypringle
Location: To and from Europe - Mexico, Venezuela , Honduras
Member for 1 year 9 months
I think it is about time that these sleeping members were woken up to the rules of Neopoet, as to being a Newcomer, my membership is only logged as one year eleven months.
Obviously someone is not being truthful with us here, and I have put in a
report to the AC to try and sort out this problem, we shall have to see what happens,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

Well excuse me for being a tardy contributor to a third rate poetry site full of idiots and incompetent backslappers. As well as not a few perverts, therapy seekers and would be private detectives. Shame your writing is as mediocre as your understanding of personal commitments that keep people from posting in the middle of a Syrian village or a Mexican city where people are being butchered. The only reason I came here IS because I joined a sometime back and now have the time to seek peer review but the only peers I find are one or two sensitive souls who are not interested in the finer points of language; a single poet fighting back the tide and a gimlet mouthed old gumshoe with the suspicions of a middle class curtain twitcher , oh and I mustn't forget the sewer mouthed misogynist and his self hating partner. You really deserve each other. Its a shame those with real talent on this site waste their time with you. I have been with kids who write better and are not infected with the self congratulatory virus that you ( mostly) seem to carry. They are merely thankful for a chance to express their anger and sorrow, their fears and their hopes unsullied by the shallow, short sighted posturings of your collection of fools and perverts. Please stay off my posting all of you except for Weirdelf who has more talent in his little finger than in your entire site.

Jimm

author comment

I think the C.A.Republic would be a great place for you at the moment , it would teach you a little relativity. If you think this is about praise then get yourself to Jordan where perhaps when you drop off a bag of rice and a some cooking oil you will get thanks and praise that come from the heart. As for praise on a poetry site please don't insult yourself unless of course you're finished with Artyfax and me as well as the rest of the long suffering on this site who you seem to bark at like some forgotten mutt in the *un* yard of your soul.
Jimm

author comment

Well I have found the solution to your problem, sorry you were stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I shall try and release you as soon as I get some stick resistant solution,
I expect you to go on sticking to peoples shoes and irritating the crap out of everyone for a while yet.
You can take me on at anytime, but I am afraid that if you only have Jess as a friend on this site then I can't see you lasting that long, before the AC tells you to take a hike for you obvious attack on people here.
As to me being, a gimlet mouthed old gumshoe with the suspicions of a middle class curtain twitcher, well that sounds pretty good for your range of words.
You should try harder, and I hope that in your own martyred way in Mexico you can find a thesaurus or something to increase your word power.
If you are finding it hard to get the books give me your addy and I would be pleased to send you some of mine, then I would really give you a chance of becoming equal to all the mediocre poets, that should give you a lift up from where you are at present.
As to the rest of your Blithering likened to a granny that has lost her teeth feel free to have as many go's at me as you like.
I see that you are only referring to Syrian villages or Mexican cities where people are being butchered. no doubt you will return to the sanctuary of the UK one day, I hope that the distance between the two doesn't wear you out.
Take care lovely to talk to you and I send you my unconditional love as always, Yours, Yenti

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

I wrote smelly C **t , Smelly filled in the blanks as have you - that could only have come from your mind. How can you expect less with a moniker like smelly haddock?
Jimm

author comment

Keep your cheap comments of people to yourselves.
This is a poetry place for learning
If you feel bad about someone stay off their poetry.
It is against all rights of any poet to have to put up with personal attacks.
If you comment on other than the poem written then you are in the wrong.
KEEP YOUR PERSONAL COMMENTS TO YOURSELVES.
There are some poems that would grace a public toilet wall, they are still a type of poetry, as is Graffitti when even just one word.
So get a grip of your comments and start commenting on the words.
I don't know why I waste my time visiting some of you and commenting, when you have so many toys in your prams,
Yours Ian.T

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

we all over here
are only to comment and advise
on our///one's poetry with a view to help
and no personal sleights are permitted

That is what I understand of Neopoets

This new guy taking free rounds
says
I know FA of poetry

is it true???
I'd love to hear
from you

loved

It;s not often a mature person comes in with common sense, to stand and point a finger so clearly at the perpetrator of a trolling crime especially when they have so much to lose. I have read some of your poetry sir and may I say there is much just waiting to mature and flower. Thanks again
Jimm

author comment

there is critique and there is criticism and the two should not be confused. I think this is why Artyfax/billypringle took offence and came back with a vengeance, because he cannot differentiate between the two. At no time did Eph criticise his poetry. He simply passed his opinion, which let's face it, if one can't take, shouldn't really be posting on a writing site! Derogatory personal attacks are not worth a response, however if I did not respond to untrue allegations regarding my partner, I would feel disloyal. I apologise for any offence my smutty, but fun post caused, but there is always the option to pass it by. This reminds me of being bullied in the playground because one doesn't quite fit in.

Seriously there's critique and criticism? Are you drunk and are you drunk? are similar but not the same question yet you insist that they are. Critique and criticism differ only in spelling not context , so if you "partner" cannot critique he chose criticism instead and you think that's acceptable and then go on to explain your smut as being acceptable elsewhere but not here as " one man's etc" , you , I demure from saying madam, not knowing quite how to title you, are nothing more than a disingenuous dollymop, smut is smut and because two smutty people get together and laugh about it doesn't change it. Just like racism is racism and when two etc doesn't change. And as for your creative smut - you have answered your own unasked question. Post it there.
Jimm

author comment

I am presently in the process of reviewing all comments relating to this ..................stan

Wtf I came back to give a reveiw long overdue to only find all this bullshit

I am wondering why some people come here seems like personal attacks that should be anywhere but here

Billy I will return later after I've gathered my thoughts i thought we were past most of this crap as usual I was wrong lol

Love JC

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

still you lot seem hell bent of sucking each others groin sections?
kudos
Jimm

author comment

go fuck yourself :) Ive been banned before it doesn't bother me, be rude but still go fuck yourself , I don't know why your here I thought it was about the poetry obviously its about attention your getting it now aren't you, I can now see this in a whole new light

I wont bother you or your poetry again fuckwit

much love JC :)

("Always and Forever") - (Never lose a holy curiosity.-Albert Einstein)

Didn't take you long. And what delectable idiocies are you proud of serving up to the minions this Xmas? Ah yes - the f word. One syllable of exquisite intellectual prowess flavored with a hint of no nonsense in your face honesty. So you must be one with potentially the most to lose the most here - a self deceiving wind bag with a mouth like a sewer. Let's see what you're capable of in the poetic stakes a run with the filly's over the poetic race course or a visit to the knackers yard with the rest of the nags on this site. Serengiddyup then....

Kudos.
Jimm

author comment

Jim what a silly lttle man your turning out to be, your a bit like Noel Gallacher on steroids. Do you fight with people to make it look as though they're criticisms are because they want to retaliate, or is this some sort of pent up anger from being seen as weak in your job. You want to be seen as a saint giving bread to the poor, and when this is not forthcoming you are angered. I say it's better to change the leaders in the powerful western countries, appoint people who care about other countries. What you do is futile and you know it, poverty and greed is the problem. Making the wealthy leaders share wealth is a worldwide problem we need to change.
About this poem i have heard the (words burning my throat, hands bleeding) blandness before. Needs a bit of originality, less John Lennon and more Johnny Rotten would get the message across. Regards Roscoe.. ps I say regards because Kudos is such a bragging word used in lazy essays and the like.

Roscoe Llane,

Religion will rip your faith off, and return
for the mask of disbelief that's left.

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