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Between Silences

brother, sister poet
mother, father, son, daughter poet
friend, soul-mate, lover poet
rival, antagonist, enemy poet
I hear your silences

the silence of pain that would obliterate you
of vision demeaned by mere words
of your guilt and innocence
I hear you

the silence when you don’t know the words
when you don’t know the shape for them
how to mold them,
I hear

and sometimes I can just hear you.

Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words: 
I seldom write poems for poets, and generally don't like them. But this is too much part of me to ignore.
Editing stage: 

Comments

Long may you help all the poets that write here, you are thought well of, and you know it.
That you use your knowledge to mold others into poets not always with success but even when they falter they at least fall with more knowledge in their minds than they had before.
THANK YOU for all your work here and may it continue. Yours Ian.T, Yenti & Sparrow
I hear the Kookaburra singing...

.
There are a million reasons to believe in yourself,
So find more reasons to believe in others..

your appreciation is appreciated.

I just added a new last line

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

"Nobody's Reading."
I don't know why the two words inspired my brain,
the poem was-
I do hope he won't be angry at me for putting this here-do you think?

READER BEWARE

Many of us now are living
lives of great urgency & anxiety
making little or no noise
Like language talking to language
with only words to translate

Like faint-hearted half-lovers
we fear the wildness in animals
Still we retain a capacity for the joy
that civilization has been doing
its best to cut us off from

More light & less heat if you please
Since by its very nature the use
of language is a bait & switch scam
devouring a poem has always been
a reader beware situation

I've seen the tear gas of the police
& the smoke bombs of the protesters
thrown back & forth in frustration
We struggle to communicate
then find nothing to verbalize

Some kind of disconnect between
perception & reality keeps taking place
You can write all you like
but you can't make anybody read
Write like nobody's reading"

Steve Toth (1968)

Jess let me know if I stepped out of line sending this and I will take it away?

Skaal Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

of the age old adage

''but you can't make anybody read
Write like nobody's reading"

''''''You can take a horse to a tub ,
but you cannot make it drink...''''''

So i write both for learning and recognition
and
I won't like others to lie.

loved

you have given me some of the best compliments I've had here. Remember one about turning thinking upside down? "Damn good" ranks with them.

I'm sure Mr. Roth won't mind.

"Write like nobody's reading" is a great thought, mitigated in two aspects in my thinking. One, I can never, ever forget my reader. Two, it reminds me of "dance like nobody's watching" which is also a great thought but became cliched by endless circulating emails full of trite life advice a few years back. No doubt it's still going round.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Laugh when nobody's listening, they say you can't but I can,
laughing at my own absurdity, no one near, could have kept
it to myself, but you fished it out (of the loft where I banged
my head on wasp nests and beams, dressed in a ancient
black leather jacket, too big for me, waterproof trousers,
goggles rubber gloves and all; balancing on the beams
cutting the lagging glass with the bread knife....etc.)

I can write just to write, no one need ever read it, only myself,
I haven't published anything yet, I suppose I can try, I need not
be applauded, or damned or known or ignored, or whatever,
but it is rewarding when someone does see it and it is appreciated
or of interest to another person we become connected in thought
and perhaps I understand something of another person.

I am guilty of not attempting to write as the recipe states one should!
Being a freestyle arranger of flowers too, there, the Japanese trained
teacher said, I cannot teach you anything; but when it came the one short,
one long and one in between, the sun the moon and the earth; the
mannered arrangement, then the mechanics of it got in the way of
my freedom, and my arrangement didn't have that 'je ne sais quoi' about it.

So I almost have to put my mind out-of-focus to catch the order
floating there in the grey matter, waiting patiently to be let out in
words, in paper, in paint or in dance. All with unheard music in the
background, no one can hear it but myself in my mind. Even the silence
can become music, we weavers of thoughts in words cannot stop
creating new combinations.

Takk Jess, Ann skaaaal splash.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

undoubtedly .
Perhaps ,
my good :bad ratio is now ,
Because of you Sir,
Is significantly improving.

loved

I have been an utter prick to you at times. I am humbled by your compassion.

I sincerely hope I have helped.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I detest flatterers
and
you are outright in your reality and expression.
That alone makes you singular.
Thanks and tc.

loved

I love you Jess.

It's like that.

~A

like that.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

But i liked this poems theme , I will be honest I don't read many of your poems, but it seems unusually personal for one of yours, i'm sure you will put me right if i'm wrong. I especially liked the first Stanza, it was almost like a verse from some lyrics.

The only thing i woul say, and this is only a suggestion, the second stanza could do with a small tweak, it is a little hard to read, Maybe you could say something like,

the silence of pain that would obliterate you
the vision of the demeaned by mere words
and your guilt and innocence
I hear you

Lou

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

but I'm not shocked you like it, only that you don't read many of my poems. I think they tend to be fun, varied and pretty easy to read. Maybe its payback.

Agree about the second stanza, although your suggestion totally changes the meaning, will tweak it. In fact there may be extra stanzas, haven't decided yet.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

......the silence of pain that would obliterate you
the vision of the demeaned by mere words
and your.............. guilt and innocence
I hear you.....

the silence of pain that would obliterate you
of vision demeaned by mere words
of your...................... guilt and innocence
I hear you

It's a matter of perceptive English perhaps .

loved

????

Stand tall, be proud to be who you are, give the world the finger!!!!

Simon and Garfunkel totally own that concept.

Thanks, glad you are too.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I am breaking my silence to say how astounded I was by this poem--nearly perfect "dance" between form ad content And I almost felt a sense of "sentimentality."

Joe Longo-Geremia

there may be more of that in later revisions.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Very much enjoyed. In the first 4 lines I want to read a pause before poet, maybe...poet. In line 10 an alternative would be can't find the words but I'm not sure it would improve this very good poem.........stan

no, I don't want a pause, a caesura, it would change the meaning. They are all poets.
And I really mean don't know the words, I'm talking about vocabulary.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

I really enjoyed reading this piece of poetry. It seems like you've gotten past your block. I liked the theme and the language use and the flow. My favorite lines are these:

I hear your silences

the silence of pain that would obliterate you
of vision demeaned by mere words
of your guilt and innocence
I hear you

pregnant with meaning that anyone can relate to. your humanity is showing :)

always, Cat

When you fling poo, some of the stink sticks to you!

"The Book of Styx" can be ordered and purchased on line at:
http://eddystyx.mythramuse.com/

and covers himself up. [grins]
thanks cat

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Well Jess, you're a wonderful teacher, and it's a great thing to help others better their art. I think this poem is just about that.

I'd love to know how you help the enemy poets though. :)

No verse is free for the man who wants to do a good job. - TS Eliot

http://www.wsgeorge.com/

it's partly about that. It's also about really hearing what is implied and not said. Perhaps I should drop the last line.

I help the enemy poets just the same as the friends "keep your friends closer but your enemy closer" [grins]

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

And I agree Jess, even the last lines!

It is quite a stunning silence when ended on I hear, we stop to listen and hear nothing.

Ann.

"The image of yourself which you see in a mirror Is dead,
but the reflection of the moon on water, lives." Kenzan.

last lines dropped.
They were pretentious and arrogant.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

This is better than anything you or I have written. Can this be you ,frm theheart? I know how much you dslke the word, but there is true poetry here.

The only writers I know who don't find it painful are generally lousy writers.
Please have patience with me. If I had a choice not to write I wouldn't.

cheers,
Jess
Neopoet is a workshop. Poets take the time to read and think about your work and offer suggestions.
There is no obligation to make any changes however please acknowledge critique and comments.

author comment

Enjoy this simply written piece. It recognizes all poets unsketched views.

*Collaborative Poetry Workshop* American Version of Japanese Poetry ~ Renga ~ Haiku, Senyru, Tanka.

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