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Bending Knees...

Yes, I've heard about the soldiers
the ones who went and died
About the ones on foreign shores
and for them I've cried

Yet, there are other souls
that have died here in our land
The ones who have died for nothing
those who've died by teflon hands

It ain't about the flag
Not about our boys at war
Don't make it 'bout that stuff
'Cause you know what it's for

These people have no training
they don't have a gun
They haven't fought a war
under a foreign sun

But, they know right from wrong
you don't treat folk that way
How do you kill an unarmed man
and just go on about your day?

So take a knee, my brothers
kneel for Justice's sake
Let them know you hear them
but do not let them see you break

I understand your motives
and that you love your country too
So keep on with kneeling, sir
until they listen to you

Style / type: 
Structured: Western
Review Request (Intensity): 
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Review Request (Direction): 
What did you think of my title?
How does this theme appeal to you?
How was the beginning/ending of the poem?
Last few words: 
I keep seeing rants about how these athletes that make so much money, should be grateful that they have had people die for them and our country, so that they can express themselves and do what they do. Then what is the problem? They aren't spitting on the flag, or trying to burn it or telling the military that they hate them for what they do. They are taking an opportunity to let the whole country know how they feel. It is different than having an interview on T.V. or radio, this is practically the whole world looking at them. That is why they do it. ~ Geezer. .
Editing stage: 
Content level: 
Not Explicit Content

Comments

Hi Geez, you express the same feelings that so many of us have. I suggest "Bend a Knee" as a title. Also, how did they die by "stainless hands"? I know it's ironical, but I think it should be changed. Some other adjective. Just saying.
I think you don't need "And" at the beginning. Also the "But" in the second strophe. IMO it's not elegant! Same as "So" in the last strophe.
I emphasize very much with the theme.
Please TorT my suggestions, all the best sir, Gracy

*
*
*
Know then thyself, presume not God to scan,
The proper study of Mankind is Man.
Plac’d on this isthmus of a middle state,
A being darkly wise, and rudely great….

An Essay On Man, III, Alexander Pope.

refer to the police that kill unarmed people and then get away with it by saying that the person was resisting or they were afraid for their lives. I defer to you on the [And]; I changed the line just a bit. The [But] is the way an American would say it, same as the [So]. I wanted to use the language the way that a ordinary person of the U.S.A. would, not an English major. Thanks for the read and advice.
But, I think I'll leave it as is, except for the [And]. ~ Geezer.
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Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

author comment

Hi, Geezer,
Your poem says a lot. It helped me when I found out that the original 'taking a knee' was actually suggested to Colin Kaepernick by a US Army Vet. Very inspiring story. These are times of change, hopefully good change!
Thank you!
L

that my work speaks to you. It helps to know that there are people that understand what this kneeling is all about. I did not know it was suggested to Kaepernick by an Army Vet. Yes, we are in the midst of a great change and I'm sure that it will ultimately be for the good. Thanks for the read and comment. ~ Geez.
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Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

author comment

I find that taking the knee is a dignifies way of showing they believe in something and that they are united, I feel we have much to thank these athletes for, which in todays world is important to do, you truly write the most inspiring poems. i cannot choose a favourite stanza here, because you speak the whole truth, in my eyes anyway! love the end, and today i take a knee to you sir!

Thank you...Teddy

we do have much to thank these athletes for. They have taken the criticism of their peers and the public and persisted in their show of support for the disadvantaged. The hate that is spewed against others because of the color of their skin and race and/or religion, is beyond belief, yet there it is. Thank you for your support and understanding; I truly hope that I have written something inspiring and it changes some minds. ~ Geez.
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Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

author comment

perhaps the rhythm would be smoother if you added the word have to I cried

Let your mercy spill on all those
burning hearts in hell( L.Cohen)

My problem with this kneeling is not that they kneel. It's When they kneel. They could do it right before or right after the anthem and still get their point across, which is a valid point. Then there's the question of why don't they also protest Outside the stadiums? On a separate thing. These idiot kneeling before the marxist BLM bunch. Are they insane? It is their stated intent to overthrow our country. Now on to the mechanics( Rant over) First line second stanza : Try "Yet there are the other souls" and see if you like it. "stainless hands" Try teflon hands. Last stanza 3rd line. Try "keep on with your kneeling, sir".
A timely poem

to see where any of the BLM's have stated that it is their intent to overthrow our country. [Show me] Nobody pays attention to these athletes outside of the stadiums or they would see the many times they have protested and the good things they do for the disadvantaged and the money they give to many charities. However, I think that you have a good idea about kneeling before or after the anthem. Maybe if they hold up the game for a couple of minutes, that would satisfy or [or anger some, that would exclaim; " WTF? We paid good money to watch a game, not see some blankety-blanks kneel and protest for some Commie organization"]. Now as to your critique; I agree that you have given me a couple of good suggestions and I will take advantage of them. Thank you. ~ Gee.
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Honest critique and comments shouldn't hurt.
It's why we are here, to get better at our craft.

author comment
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