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Bemused Rumination
`
Forget
the balm of barometric exuberance.
This night
no longer young, dissipates.
Recall
the dewy welcome of sun-quaffed green.
Yesterdays
revive severed umbilical dreams.
Peruse
the present with fleeting acumen.
Today
ceases yet emerges again tomorrow.
Ignite
the kindling of autumnal reticence.
Perhaps
genial kindnesses shall spring.
`
Review Request (Intensity):
I appreciate moderate constructive criticism
Editing stage:
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Comments
Geezer
Wed, 2010-12-15 07:46
I truly...
liked this rhythm and flow. I was reminded of Fall days long ago, when my children were young and my best friend and I, would take them on hikes in the state forests. We would start early in the morning, and stop around lunch-time, build a small fire, and dine on sandwiches and marshmallows. My children keep in touch for the most part, and remember those days well. They remind me me often that they remember. Anyways, that's what it reminded me of. I'm sure that others had their own interpetations of what this piece meant, and that is the beauty of a good poem. I wouldn't change a thing, ~ Gee
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
crypticbard
Wed, 2010-12-15 08:31
Gee man
That is what poetry is about. I am so glad that this particular one has sent you an such a wonderful and meaningfilled journey. I can see poetry by campfire as well... my prayer is that everyone possesses and experiences days or similar ones such as you have just shared with me in your post/comment. I am privileged to partake of the journey that this poem has given you. Many thanks for this quite personal feedback. CB
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'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Wed, 2010-12-15 15:49
You hold my hand
You hold my hand
As we get along
The marked distinction of poetic muse
As perhaps you'd say
Tis a wonderment
A delight
For one to recall
What happened?
Ere the last fall!
loved
crypticbard
Thu, 2010-12-16 06:20
Thank you
for your kind words of comment. You are most appreciated. CB
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentloved
Thu, 2010-12-16 10:01
Your poetry
enthrals my mind
and the subleties you convey
i aspire to do
some day
if God MAY
loved
crypticbard
Fri, 2010-12-17 07:28
I am sure
you will for you've set your heart and mind to it.
__________________________________________________
'write on! let these words free.'
author commentHooded Stranger
Fri, 2010-12-17 07:35
CB
CB,
as soon as I read this I was caught in the structure. I think the way you have structured this with the short line before the long line works really well and adds a whole new dimension to the read. I think it gave an extra pause before each line by using the short line...I am really taken with that.
I wasn't necessarily taken with the poem (apologies for that), but structurally, outstanding!
regards,
HS
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crypticbard
Fri, 2010-12-17 16:45
Aww
that's too bad HS... lol... can't win 'em all, eh. I'm happy though that all is not lost. Thanks for your kind words of comments. Your honesty is truly appreciated. Cheers mate, CB
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'write on! let these words free.'
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