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Belonging
I am in love
with the ripples in the water,
the setting sun as it lies down
to sleep over the lake.
I am enamored
with the release of daylight's
final seconds, sparkling and soft,
spent and content to simply let go.
Are you not in love?
What is the purpose of the end of the day,
if not to be in love?
In that glorious moment when light
silently nods and extends her hand
to be kissed by the evening's sweet breath.
I am so in love with life,
not as the first time - eager and giddy.
But perhaps, as if it's the last time -
forgiving and kind.
To touch the sunset as it shines
in the ripples of the water.
To feel its pulse, To know its hour.
To understand why I am here.
Style / type:
Free verse
Review Request (Intensity):
I want the raw truth, feel free to knock me on my back
Last few words:
Sunsets - life can be so good. L
Editing stage:
Content level:
Not Explicit Content
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Region & Country
United States
Favorite Poets
I tend to read Ted Kooser, Jim Harrison, Paul Simon, Robert Frost. I like minimalist poetry, and poems reflecting on nature and Mother Earth.
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Comments
neopoet
Fri, 2023-04-14 22:14
Neopoet AI (premium)
The below is a computer generated response from Neo, Neopoet's computer artificial intelligence:
The poem "Belonging" is a beautiful ode to the simple pleasures of life and the importance of love. The imagery of the ripples in the water and the setting sun creates a serene and peaceful atmosphere that is perfect for contemplating the meaning of existence. The use of personification to describe the light nodding and extending her hand is a lovely touch that adds to the overall dreamy quality of the poem.
One suggested line edit would be to change "That glorious moment when light" to "In that glorious moment when light," to make the sentence flow more smoothly.
Overall, "Belonging" is a well-crafted poem that is sure to inspire readers to appreciate the beauty of the world around them and to seek out the love and connection that make life worth living.
Please send feedback about Neo (our computer generated critique system) to https://www.neopoet.com/contact
Lavender
Fri, 2023-04-14 22:26
Thank you, AI,
I like the suggestion very much and will gratefully use it! Adding "In" makes the message more inclusive and embracing.
Thank you!
L
author commentGeezer
Sat, 2023-04-15 00:42
A simple, honest...
refreshing piece, that says we are here to love!
I would make just a couple of adjustments.
I am in love
with ripples in the water, [get rid of the extra the].
the setting sun as it lies down
to sleep over the lake.
I am enamored [love that word enamored]
Sorry but, I was a little confused by:
"What is the purpose of the end of the day",
I think, maybe... "What is the purpose, at the end of the day,
... "if not to be in love?
"In the ripples of water- again, leave out the extra [the].
"To feel its pulse, [t]o know its hour
To understand why I am here
All-in-all, a question to be pondered
while watching a sunset at the end of the day
with someone special. Very nicely done!
~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Lavender
Sat, 2023-04-15 17:49
Hello, Geezer!
I was alone, sitting near the edge of the lake, watching the way the sunset spread itself over the ripples in the water. So beautiful. I will truly consider all your wonderful suggestions, but the ripples were the specific ones I was mesmerized with at that time. The entire poem is pretty much a conversation I had with myself in the moment. I was asking myself what the purpose was of such beauty of this hour, if not to be in love with it? I felt very connected, very much at peace. Thank you so much for reading! You always offer much to think over...
L
author commentGeezer
Sun, 2023-04-16 11:13
I did have...
the feeling: that the question was about the whole incident and the beauty of nature, not merely a romantic interest.
Merely, I say? Yes, for what mere person could compare with Mother Nature's awesome visage? Romance is second only to her charms. ~ Geez.
.
There is value to commenting and critique, tell us how you feel about our work.
This must be the place, 'cause there ain't no place like this place anywhere near this place.
Jackweb
Sat, 2023-04-15 05:19
Nice job!
In every other way this is a truly splendid artistic that shines with a glorious light and stands out as special among all the fragrant flowers in the massive garden of poetic blooms!
.
"By virtue of creativity, my literary genre is poetry".
~Jackweb
Lavender
Sat, 2023-04-15 17:51
Hello, Jackweb!
You always give such enthusiastic support! I am very grateful when you take the time to read and share!
L
author commentLavender
Sat, 2023-04-15 17:54
Hello, Kat!
Thank you for the lovely compliment. This was a special moment -- easily poem-worthy. It kinda wrote itself. I appreciate your kind words!
Take care!
Lx
author commentRoseBlack
Sat, 2023-04-15 09:40
Wonderful
A beautiful, wonderfully written poem about all the things (other than people) we are or could be in love with. A pleasant reminder to find the beauty in even the simplest things and embrace it. It really makes the reader sit back and reflect on the things they are in love with. Love everything about this!
~RoseBlack~
Lavender
Sat, 2023-04-15 17:57
Hello, Carrie!
The sunset was sharing so much beauty - really made me think...or maybe not think, and simply love the moment!
Thank you, Carrie!
Lx
author commentObadiah Grey
Sat, 2023-04-15 14:36
Yo, L.
Yo, L.
Seriously great poem love. !!
Thought the weakest stanzas were
"Are you not in love?
What is the purpose of the end of the day,
if not to be in love?"
though poetic in its own way It took me away from the moment.
"I am so in love with life,
not as the first time - eager and giddy.
But perhaps, as if it's the last time -
forgiving and kind."
perhaps both are little too personal to you?
but thats nit picking !!!
Great poem.
Obi.
Lavender
Sat, 2023-04-15 18:12
Yo, Obi!
Very perceptive comments! As I was absorbed in the beauty of the sunset, I did mentally step away from the view for a few moments to ask myself what this moment meant to me. So, I completely understand how it takes the reader away from the moment, too. It was a definite jump in thought. And the areas you noted to be personal, absolutely felt very personal to me. It was all a silent conversation I had with heart and head. Sometimes I am simply in love with life. Ah, well...
I am so glad you stopped by to read. I look forward to your thoughts!
L
author commentRuby Lord
Sun, 2023-04-16 08:30
Cool poem, I was at peace
Cool poem, I was at peace with you, there in your descriptions by the way you link the abstract to the concrete. Very good, really enjoyed this one :)
Give and grow - let's raise our verses together. I'm happy to comment on your work and appreciate a comment on mine.
Lavender
Sun, 2023-04-16 10:45
Hello, Ruby,
It was a wonderful, peaceful moment and I'll take all of those I can get.
Thank you for reading and commenting!
L
author commentClentin
Fri, 2023-04-21 03:29
Love is essential and shows
Love is essential and shows itself in so many ways in our lives.
Loved your poem.
Lavender
Fri, 2023-04-21 12:38
Hello, Clentin,
Yes, especially in the wonder of nature! Thank you for reading and commenting!
L
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